Call Me Kathryn
by LadyChakotay
Summary: J/C Paris invites Janeway to meet him in one of his old haunts for a drink and, as usually happens where booze is concerned, feelings are revealed.
1. Liquid Cocaine

Paris chuckled as he watched her down another glass of chardonnay

RATING:PG-13

DISCLAIMER:Paramount owns Star Trek and everything pertaining therein.Aren't they powerful and cool?They own them all right; they just don't have the first clue what to do with them.No infringement intended.They couldn't sue me anyway, I don't have anything.

SUMMARY:J/CParis invites Janeway to meet him for a drink in one of his old haunts.And, as often happens when booze is involved, truths are revealed.

Author's Note:Just fair warning; this is part one of the story.I'll post part two tomorrow afternoon.I didn't have time to finish it all today, and frankly, I'm just happy to get past this dreadful writer's block long enough to post anything at all.Enjoy.

Call Me Kathryn

Paris chuckled as he watched her down another glass of chardonnay.She couldn't guzzle beer or straight shot whiskey like the rest of the world.Even now, sitting in this seedy bar with her former pilot and drinking like a fish, she had to choose the elegant stuff.He fixed his blue eyes on her."How many does that make tonight, Captain?"

She raised an eyebrow but didn't look at him."Who's counting?"

"Certainly not me."He motioned for the bartender to bring her another one.

She glanced at him over the rim of her glass."Good.I'd hate to think that all those rumors I've heard about you being the life of the party are exaggerations."

He laughed and shook his head."Of course not.I may be a married old man with a baby now, but I can still drink my fair captain under the table."

Now she was the one laughing."Think so, do you?"

"Sure do."

"Have you forgotten that I'm Irish, Tom?"

"Are you kidding?" he grinned."Between your temper and that stubborn noggin of yours, it's impossible to forget your Irish genes, trust me."

Sadness crept across her face."Have I really been that difficult?"

Tom immediately regretted the joke.Had she been sober, Captain Janeway would've just laughed and insulted him right back.But pain and alcohol were a bad combination, and whether she would admit it or not, Tom knew she was hurting since their explosive return to Earth two months ago.And he knew why.He put a gentle hand on her shoulder."Come on, Captain.I didn't mean it that way.It was just my warped sense of humor, that's all.You know the lengths I go to just to get a smile out of you."

"It's all right, Tom." She said, her eyes focused on the liquid as she swirled the chardonnay in her glass."I know I wasn't a perfect captain."

"Maybe not," he said."But you were the perfect captain for me."He leaned a little closer to her and met her eyes."You were just the leader I needed.Before Voyager came along, I had given up.I was ready to live out my life as the loser I was and hate every minute of it.You probably don't realize it, but the day you showed up in Auckland you freed me from a lot more than just that penal colony.You freed me from myself, too.You brought me onto your ship, put me back into a Starfleet uniform, the entire time treating me with complete respect.Then when we destroyed the array and realized we were stuck in the Delta Quadrant, you made me part of your crew."

Janeway listened intently, too emotional to speak.Her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she looked at the young man before her, and realized how much she'd played a part in who he'd become.She laid a hand on his arm and embraced him with her eyes.

"I can't even tell you what you did for me when you put me at the helm, Captain."His eyes became distant as he remembered the feel of the conn under his hands."Flying is who I am, it's what I'm all about.When I was sentenced to the Auckland colony, I didn't think I would ever fly a ship again.Certainly not a starship.I was sure everyone I came into contact with in my life would hold my past against me, and never see me as anything but a lowlife.But not you, you were different."He took her small hand and held it reverently between his."You saw something else in me.And you stuck with me until I learned to see it in myself.You knew just when to lean on me, and when to back off and let me figure it out on my own.You might not have been perfect, Captain.But you were strong, determined, and fair.And your mistakes, well … they just made you human.And we needed all the Humans we could get that far away from Earth."

Janeway beamed affectionately at him."Thank you, Tom.You have no idea of the gift you just gave me.But I'm afraid I can't take all the credit.I just handed you the ball.You're the one who ran with it.You were given a second chance, and you took it to heart."She touched his face tenderly."You surpassed every hope or expectation I've ever had for you, Mr. Paris.I only helped you see what was already there."

"And I can never thank you enough."He returned her affectionate smile, and then his face turned serious again."I know you struggled with your own guilt about destroying the Caretaker's array."

"Yes," she said softly and looked at the floor."I still do.I suppose I always will."

"But you shouldn't.You're so convinced that you took our lives away from us for all those years, but you're wrong.You couldn't be more wrong."

"Tom…"

"Wait, let me finish.You need to hear this.In fact, it's long overdue."He ignored her raised eyebrows and continued."Being on Voyager changed my life, and I'm not the only one.Look at me, Captain!The last time I sat in this bar, I was a criminal, kicked out of Starfleet and angry at the world.I sit here today a decorated Starfleet officer, a husband, a father … I wouldn't have any of those things if it weren't for you and Voyager."

"You don't know that, Tom." She countered."You have no idea where your life would've taken you had I not taken you away from it for nearly a decade.It's quite possible you'd have changed your ways anyway, without having to sacrifice everything you knew in the process."

He took another drink of his beer and shook his head at her."You still don't get it, do you?"

"I beg your pardon."

"You like to berate yourself about it, about our days in the Delta Quadrant.But what you don't seem to realize is that you're the only one who thinks you deserve it.I wouldn't trade my time on that ship for anything.And I know the others feel the same way.I think I'll probably always look back on those days as the best part of my life."

"Yes," she smiled sadly, longing in her voice."So will I."

"We gained far more than we lost, Captain.And we're happier than we were before."He shot her a meaningful glance."Well … _most_ of us are."

Kathryn eyed him warily.What was that supposed to mean?"What are you trying to say, Tom?"Though she wasn't really sure she wanted to know.

"Well, I guess I'm trying to say that you're unhappy, and I think I know why."

Janeway laughed, but it was without humor."Well, by all means – enlighten me.Wait…"She motioned for the bartender."I think I'll need something a little stronger than wine if I'm going to listen to this."

Paris couldn't help but smile at her.She wanted to get drunk and he knew just the thing."Allow me."He looked at the gruff-looking man behind the bar."Two Liquid Cocaines."

The bartender grinned wickedly."Comin' right up."He mixed several liquors together in a martini shaker and poured them into two small glasses.Then he slid them in front of Paris."And for the lady?"

"Actually, one of these is for her."

"Uh huh," said the bartender.He looked at the petite woman before him as though he were trying to decide whether to admire her or laugh in her face."This I gotta see."

Paris handed Janeway one of the glasses.She held it under her nose and sniffed.Her eyes immediately began to water and she blinked rapidly.She turned her head away sharply."What the hell is in this?It smells like DaVinci's paint thinner!"

Paris laughed."It's probably better if you don't know the ingredients."

The haggard bartender leaned closer to Janeway, a mocking grin on his scruffy face."Want me to bring you something a bit more … ladylike?A glass of apple juice maybe?"

Janeway regarded the ill-mannered man with a raised brow.But Paris answered before she could speak."This is no ordinary lady, pal.She can handle it."

The bartender laughed, his missing tooth making him look like an old hillbilly."This little thing?She looks like she's about to pass out from the smell."

Ever one to defend his captain's honor, Paris said, "That's because she just caught a whiff of you, buddy.Do you like to smell that way, or don't they have sonic showers where you come from?"

"Tom!" Janeway scolded.She glanced at the pungent beverage in her hand and secretly wondered if there was any way to get out of having to drink it without wounding her own pride.

"It's okay, _Captain,_" he said, stressing her rank."This guy just doesn't know who you are.If he did, he'd have a little more respect."

"I don't care _who_ she is," the bartender smirked."I know she can't handle that drink.That's a man's drink."

"That's it." Kathryn muttered.She could resist almost anything.But a challenge – now that wasn't something she was prepared to ignore.She'd be damned if she was going to let some sexist pig tell her what she could or could not handle!She reached deep inside herself and summoned all of her courage.Hell, she'd eaten Neelix's food for seven years.How bad could this little drink actually be?She raised the cup slowly to her lips.

"Just down it in one swallow, Captain." Paris coached."And don't taste it.Just relax your throat and let it slide down.You know, open your throat like you do when you give a…"

"I get the point, Mr. Paris." She cut in reproachfully, a blush creeping across her cheeks at the mere thought of what he was about to say._It's now or never._Without any further ado, Janeway tilted her head back and emptied the contents into her mouth, trying to ignore the fact that everyone in the tavern was watching her.

The taste, noxious though it was, wasn't really so bad.Not compared to the wreching it caused.But it was the burning that made her eyes water.She was certain that if she opened her mouth, flames would shoot out and ignite the whole room.She swallowed it all in one gulp.She felt the heat as it traveled down her esophagus and into her unsuspecting stomach.And, quick as a hypospray, her head began to swim with the sensation of intoxication.

Then the aftertaste hit.It slammed into her throat like a speeding shuttle and coated her tongue. She clutched at her throat in an attempt to keep the alcohol from coming up for an encore.A litany of colorful Klingon phrases tore from her throat in a voice that sounded more like an animal's roar than anything made my human vocal cords.And then she shook her body like a wet dog."Holy shit!" she wheezed."Now THAT'S a drink!!!"

The room erupted in a resounding round of applause.Janeway rose shakily to her feet and faced her "audience", then bowed graciously.The tavern patrons cheered and egged her on, even as she nearly fell on her face.

Paris watched her with a mixture of pride and amused affection.He held out a hand toward her and looked at the bartender."I'd like you to meet Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship _Voyager_."

The man's jaw dropped momentarily."_That's_ Janeway?The same Janeway who beat the Borg Queen and brought her ship back from the Delta Quadrant?"

"One and the same." Paris grinned.

She grinned at the bartender."I should've just given the Borg Queen a shot of that stuff!The collective would've self-destructed."She pointed a wavering finger at him."You make a pretty mean drink, my friend."

He bowed slightly."And you, Captain Kathryn Janeway, are one tough lady!"

Tom took Janeway by the shoulders and tried to ease her into her seat.But she struggled against him."I'm tired of sitting, Tom," she slurred."Besides, look at them!They love me.They think I'm the Queen of the Bar!"

Paris chuckled and continued to guide her to her stool."Well, take a load off your feet, Your Majesty, before you fall on your Royal Behind."

Kathryn relaxed into her stool and tried to keep from falling to the floor.She couldn't remember the last time she'd been so drunk.But she was still with it enough to remember that Tom was about to tell her something before the drinks took them off topic.She tapped him playfully on the chest."Now that I'm comfortably numb, I think I can hear what you have to say." She said with a slight slur."You were about to divulge the secrets of the universe.Or at least tell me why I am so miserably unhappy in - your opinion.Please, Mr. Paris, thrill me with your acumen.You have my undivided attention for as long as I can stay on this stool."

Now Paris needed a stiff drink.He'd wanted to tell her this for months, even before they got back to the Alpha Quadrant.In fact, it was the reason he'd asked her to meet him here tonight.He thought it would be easier to say it to her while he was in his own territory.He slammed the drink in one shot, wiped his mouth, and thought, _Well, here goes nothin'!_

"Actually," he began."It's about Chakotay."

Janeway grimaced."I was afraid of that."

"Now, wait.Hear me out."

She offered him a lop-sided grin and then laughed a little."I don't seem to have any choice, Tom.I'm not sure I could walk if I had to.Otherwise, I'd run away…"

"Don't you think you've done enough of that?"

She tried to glare menacingly at him, but couldn't focus her eyes.Instead she rested her chin on her hand and said, "Oh, I see.We're going to have _that_ talk.You know, it's not exactly original, Tom.I've heard if from Chakotay at least a million times.Here, allow me."She cleared her throat and sat up straight as if she were about to go before the Starfleet review board."Dear, sweet Chakotay loves me.Me, the vicious captain who cares only about her command.I continually push him away, and I've broken his heart.Now I'm running away from it, like I run away from any chance of real love.And now I'm old and alone and going to end up as bitter and lonely as Admiral Janeway – who is also me -was.It's wrong of me, and I'm going to be dreadfully sorry.Does that about cover it?"

Tom stared at her in awe for a minute.She'd sort of taken the wind from his sails.He shook it off quickly, though.He was going to have this talk with her if it killed him, and it just might."Well, impressive as that was, no – it didn't cover it."

"Damn."

Paris chuckled."Oh come on.You know I'm only doing this because I care about you, Captain."

"Yes, I know," she said."And it's Kathryn."

Now his eyebrows rose."What?"

"We're not on Voyager anymore, Tom.And I'm not your captain anymore."She slapped him playfully on the arm, the glint of intoxication still in her eyes."We're sitting in a bar getting drunk together and talking about my love life, or lack there of.It doesn't get much more personal than that.For God's sake, call me Kathryn."

Well, that was a new one.She'd never allowed anyone to call her that except Chakotay.But, if it made her feel more comfortable, he was all for it."Okay, _Kathryn," _he said, "I'm not trying to stick my nose where it doesn't belong here.But I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine."

"I know," he rolled his eyes."You're always fine.That's the problem."

She giggled."Being fine is a problem?"

Okay, this was going to be harder than he thought now that she was drunk as well as indignant."No,' he said patiently, "but saying your fine constantly when you're not is a problem."

"Oh." She said, obviously not following him at all.

He stared at her for a moment.How to get her to understand?"Look, Kathryn. I'll just get right to the point."

"That would be nice."

He resisted the urge to take her by the shoulders and shake her."I know Chakotay loves you.The whole crew knows it.But what you might not realize is that we know you love him right back."

That got her attention.Her head snapped up and she looked at him."He's my best friend."

"I know.But he's also more than that, or at least he wanted to be."

She dropped her eyes to the floor."I did what I had to do, Tom.I had an obligation to my crew.I had to keep my eye on the ball."

"I understand that.But now we're home._You_ got us home.So why are you still pushing him away?"

She glared impatiently at him."In case you didn't notice, he has moved on, Tom.He's with Seven of Nine."She rested her hand on Tom's leg."I lost him.I told him not to wait for me, so I can't blame him for going on with his life.He's with Seven now, and I have to accept that."

Tom covered her hand with his."But he's not really _with_ Seven, Kathryn.They're not getting married or anything.They've just dated a few times."

"It doesn't matter.I rejected him time and again.I can't just waltz into his life now and confess my feelings."

"Why not?"

"Because," she said."He's happy now.I won't take that from him for my own selfishness.I've taken enough from him already."

Tom poured them each a glass of ice water to fend off the cottonmouth that accompanies hard alcohol."How do you know he's happy?Have you asked him?"

She gladly accepted the cool glass of water and took a sip."Of course not!" she said, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand."That's not something that just comes up in casual conversation.Besides, I've hardly even seen him since we got back."

"That's exactly my point.If you've hardly seen him, how do you know he's happy?"

Damn him.That's a good point."How do you know he's not?" she volleyed.

"Because," gloated Paris."I _have_ seen him."

Janeway almost dropped her glass of ice water.She fumbled to set it on the bar."You … you've seen Chakotay?When?Where is he?"

"He's here on Earth actually.Arizona at the moment if I remember correctly.B'Elanna and I had him over for dinner a few days ago and he said he was going there for a couple of days to see some paleontologist friends of his."

She couldn't resist."How is he?"

Paris took another sip of his water."He seemed restless to me.But …he asked about you."

That comment earned him another raised eyebrow."What did you say?"

He shrugged."I told him you're burying yourself in your work, as usual.He said that he missed you and asked if you're enjoying having real coffee at your disposal."

She chuckled softly.That sounded like the Chakotay she knew so well."I miss him too."

"You guys should just try sending a communiqué now and then, ya know?"He grinned charmingly."Or better yet, ask him on a date."

"Oh," she shook her head emphatically."No.I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Well, because…"Because what?She couldn't exactly blame it on protocol anymore."Because I wouldn't want to hurt Seven."

"Seven is on Vulcan.He hasn't even seen her for two weeks."

She slapped his arm."Well if you knew that all along, why didn't you just say so?"

He grinned again."Would it have mattered?You're a stubborn one, Captain." He shook his head at her."Look, he may be dating her, he may not.But regardless, I'm pretty sure that the only reason he even went out with her in the first place was because he wasn't aware he had other options.Or at least, not the one option he really wanted."

"All right, Mr. Matchmaker.Then what do you suggest I do now?Put my heart out there for him to see?I don't think I can do that."

"You can stare down the barrel of a phaser cannon, but you can't tell Chakotay that you're still in love with him?" he teased.

She smirked."A phaser cannon won't tell me that it's too late."

"Neither will Chakotay."

"You don't know that."

"True," he consented."I can't guarantee what he'll say.But I can tell you this; you'll never forgive yourself if you don't find out."He took her by the shoulders."Go to him, Kathryn.Tell him how you feel.Let him know that he at least has that option.Let him hear you say it at least once.After all these years of waiting by your side, he deserves that much."

She couldn't argue with that.She smiled softly and cupped his face in her palms."When did you become so wise, Lieutenant?"

"The day I overcame my fear and told B'Elanna how I felt.No matter what happens between us in the future, she knows that I love her.And life just doesn't get much better than that."

Janeway smiled affectionately at him."And she's very lucky to have you."

"You're not a bad catch yourself," he teased, wagging his eyebrows suggestively at her."In fact, there was a time…" he stopped himself before he finished the sentence, seemingly lost in thought for a moment.Suddenly, he took her hands and pulled her to her feet."Indulge a guy in an old fantasy, Captain?"

"What are we doing, Tom?"

"We're going to dance," he said, tugging her toward the dance floor.

"Are we?And what would your lovely wife have to say about that?" she teased.

"She'd say, '_Enjoy it while you can, Flyboy._Because when you're done I'm going to break your legs.'"

Janeway laughed."Well then maybe we shouldn't.I'd hate to be the cause of you suffering bodily injury."

He looked at her with a glimmer of repressed longing."It'd be worth it." He said in a husky voice.He pulled her into his arms and began to sway to the soft music."Chakotay is a lucky man."

Janeway had suspected that Tom Paris had once had a bit of a crush on her, but it still took her by surprise when he let it show a little.She briefly wondered if he'd regret it when he sobered up, but it touched her just the same.She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him gently on the cheek as his arms tightened around her, holding her against him for a brief moment. She wrapped her arms around his neck and allowed the embrace."And you're a cherished friend, Tom.I'm grateful for your presence in my life, and for your being here with me tonight."

As she relaxed in Tom's arms, Kathryn pushed all her fears and anxieties aside and allowed herself to enjoy the rest of the evening and the tingling of intoxication that still lingered in her blood.She'd talk to Chakotay soon, and maybe the next time she danced, it would be his arms around her waist.Maybe…


	2. House Calls

Disclaimer: Star Trek and all things contained therein are the property of Paramount Pictures

Disclaimer:Star Trek and all things contained therein are the property of Paramount Pictures.I am just the targ dung under their feet.No infringement intended.For details, see chapter one.

Chapter Two 

Her first thought as she slogged out of a deep sleep was, _Who in the hell is operating that bulldozer in my apartment?_Who would be doing construction in her bedroom, especially at this time in the morning?Then, as the sounds became more distinct, she debated on how many years she'd be sentenced to prison for killing the idiot who was running that jackhammer inside her head.Whatever the penalty, she was certain it would be worth it.

Kathryn Janeway groaned and pulled her pillow over her head, trying desperately to drown out the sonic booms going off inside her skull.But the noise was persistent.It only took her a minute or two to realize that she was actually hearing her door buzzer, though it sounded more like antimatter explosions.

"Go away," she croaked.But the mystery ringer wasn't giving up, and soon added a thunderously deafening knocking to the litany of buzzes.That combination was more than Janeway's hung over mind could tolerate."All right!I'm coming!" she snarled in a hoarse voice that made her sound decidedly Klingon.

She sat up, a wave of vertigo crashing down on her for her trouble.Somehow, she managed to eventually stagger to the door.She threw it open, her hair sticking out wildly around her head, making her look like a Kazon woman who'd been struck by lightening. She was huffing and puffing as she glared at her visitor."What?!?!"

The doctor stared at his former captain in disbelief.Or was it horror?"Captain!Are you ill?You look absolutely dreadful!"

Before she could glare at him again, or tell him to go to hell, she was hit by a tidal wave of intense nausea.Her bloodshot eyes grew wide as she slapped a hand over her mouth.She turned and ran for the bathroom, barely making it in time.She sunk weakly to the floor, and with each wretch that tore from her gut; she silently vowed to kill Tom Paris with her own two hands.

The doctor stood over her with a medical tricorder – what, did he carry that damn thing with him everywhere he went just to irritate her? – and his holographic face contorted into a disapproving frown as he read the scans."Well, it doesn't take a genius to figure out what's the matter with you, Captain.Although, I am one.You're experiencing what you Humans ineptly refer to as a _hang over_."

No kidding!Now she found the energy to glare at him."Really!Did your incredibly superior diagnostic matrix tell you that, Genius?"

"No," he said smugly."The ridiculously high level of alcohol in your blood did.You've got enough in there to preserve your body for years.I don't know whether to treat you, or bury you in the lawn!"

Janeway couldn't stand it anymore.The nausea was about to make a repeat appearance, and the trembling was spreading from her hands to the rest of her haggard body.Treatment or death, either one would be welcome at this point."Well, pick one and do it quickly.I can't take this much longer."

"I don't know…" said the doctor reluctantly."You did do this to yourself, after all.Maybe it'd teach you to respect your body, maybe even feed it once in a while, if..."

Kathryn launched off the floor like a photon torpedo and seized the EMH by his holographic lapels."I'm in no mood for lectures, Doctor.Make this go away or I swear to God, I'll reprogram you to be a whistling teapot!"

"Ah," he said, gently but firmly prying her hands from his shirt."Assault and battery followed by vicious threats.I see you've been spending time with Lieutenant Torres. That wasn't, by chance, blood wine you were drinking, was it?"

"No," she said, rubbing her palm against her aching forehead."I drank a Liquid Cocaine in a bar in France with Tom Paris."

The doctor's dour expression proved that he obviously didn't believe that story."Forget it," he grumbled."My fault for asking."

"Can you make this hang over stop, Doctor?"

"I can ease the symptoms and stop the vomiting.But I can't make it all disappear.I'm a doctor, not a magician."

Janeway staggered over and flopped onto the sofa as the doctor retrieved a hypospray from the replicator.He moved to Janeway's side and peered down at her."This injection should make you feel better, Captain."He looked at her mussed, wild hair, her pasty, pale skin, and her bloodshot eyes."Although, you do look like the walking dead.Perhaps a wooden stake through the heart would do the trick."

"Doctor," she warned.

"Very well," he said, pressing the hypospray to her neck."But next time you decide to poison your body with real alcohol, I hope you'll remember how you felt today."

Kathryn winced slightly at the hiss of the hypospray, and then sighed with relief as her symptoms began to dissipate almost immediately.She pulled herself to a seated position and rubbed the spot on her neck where the medication had been injected through her skin."Thank you, Doctor."

He nodded."You're welcome."

She wrinkled her brow and studied the EMH.Her mind starting to clear, she suddenly found herself wondering what had brought him to her door.She offered him a lop-sided grin, despite the slight pounding that lingered stubbornly in her head."Not that I don't appreciate your intervention this morning, Doctor, but what are you doing here?I'm willing to bet you didn't just get an urge to make an impromptu house call."

"Of course not.That was just an added bonus," he said wryly."I originally came here to speak to you about something of a more … personal nature."

"Oh?"Janeway eyed him curiously."Have a seat and tell me what's on your mind."

He sat next to her on the sofa and seemed to be studying his hands rather intently.Was he nervous?!After a moment of what appeared to be an internal struggle he said, "Actually, I wanted to discuss Seven of Nine."

Janeway felt her heart drop into her stomach.Seven was one topic she preferred not to talk about at the moment.She'd been avoiding her since they returned to Earth, uncertain how to deal with her and her apparent feelings for Chakotay.Her headache just stepped up a notch."What about her?" she managed to say neutrally.

"I'm not quite certain where to begin," he said."I'm sure you're aware that I've always carried a certain affection for Seven, Captain."

_Now there's an understatement,_ she thought."Of course I am.And it's Kathryn," she said."Call me Kathryn."

He regarded her skeptically."I'm not sure I can."

She laughed."Why not?It is my name, after all."

"Yes, I'm aware of that.But the only person allowed to call you 'Kathryn' on the ship was Chakotay.I've addressed you as 'Captain' for all of my existence."

"Your program is adaptable."_Why was this so hard for them?_"On _Voyager _we had to maintain a certain standard at all times.But we aren't on the ship anymore. And I am no longer your captain.When we're alone and away from Starfleet, I want you to call me Kathryn."

"Very well, _Kathryn,_" he said, trying her new title on for size."Since we returned to Earth, I have realized that not only had I grown accustomed to my daily interaction with Seven, I looked forward to it.She no longer checks in with me for her routine maintenance.In fact, I've hardly seen her since we docked.Now that she's … involved … with Commander Chakotay, it appears she doesn't need me.I find that I …"

"You miss her," Janeway supplied softly.

"Yes," he nodded."I miss her very much."

"I'm willing to bet she misses you as well.Have you tried to contact her?"

"No.No, I haven't."He leaned forward and placed his hands on his knees."She's with the commander now.I didn't want to interfere."

It suddenly became clear to Kathryn that the Doctor's feelings for Seven went well beyond a holographic crush.Why hadn't she realized it before?"Doctor, you know you can always be honest with me, right?"

"Of course, Capt … I mean Kathryn.And you know you can always be honest with me as well, right?"

Ah, this was going to be a two way confessional.Very well.But before she could have such a heart to heart with a second officer in as many days, she needed coffee.She moved to the replicator as she spoke."Yes, I know I can be honest with you. "_Now that I've finally been honest with myself,_ she added silently.

"Then I assume it's safe to say that this unexpected union between Seven and Chakotay has been particularly painful for us both?"

She sipped from her steaming coffee mug and then nodded."Yes, I think it's safe to say that."She eyed her old friend carefully.He had become so much more that a mere medical program over the past seven years.He'd become a trusted friend, and Janeway thought him as Human as she was.The fact that he'd developed such deep feelings for Seven only served to further prove that."You're in love with her, aren't you?" she asked gently.

"Yes," he said without hesitation."And the same could be said of your feelings for the commander?"

"I tried to deny it for a long time, even to myself.But yes, " she looked up at him."I love Chakotay.I have for a long time."

"Rather pitiful, aren't we?" said the Doctor bitterly."Two broken heated love birds, sitting here sharing our woes while the objects of our affection are off doing God knows what together."

"Yes," she said absently, suddenly remembering her conversation with Tom the night before."Or, actually no."

"No?" he said with surprise."It certainly looks that way to me."

"No, I mean they aren't off doing God knows what together.I'd almost forgotten. Tom told me last night, I'm sure of it.How could I forget that?" she muttered to herself.

"Forget what?"He looked concerned."You're blabbering.Do you need another injection?"

"No," she chuckled, realizing how idiotic she must have sounded."I don't need an injection.I just remembered some of my conversation with Tom last night.He told me that Seven is on Vulcan, and she and Chakotay haven't seen each other for two weeks."

The Doctor looked skeptical."Well, given the source of the information, are you sure of it's veracity?Mr. Paris has always been the leader of the rumor mill."

"I know, but this information came right from the horse's mouth."

Now he really looked confused."What horse?Captain, are you sure you're feeling all right?"

She laughed aloud."It's an old Earth expression, Doctor.It means the information came directly from the source itself."

"Well, you could've just said that in the first place."

"Chakotay had dinner with Tom and B'Elanna recently.He mentioned that Seven was on Vulcan, and he was headed to Arizona to see some friends.And he said…"She paused and attempted to suppress her silly grin."He said he missed me."

"Well what does that mean, exactly?" he asked."Does it mean they aren't seeing each other any more?Or does it just mean that he hasn't seen her since she left Earth?"

"I'm not sure," she said honestly."But I got the impression that Tom knew something more.He encouraged me to seek Chakotay out and tell him how I feel."She rose to her feet and began pacing, as she always did when she was in deep thought."I had decided to stay away and let Chakotay have a chance at happiness based on something that Admiral Janeway told me when she first came to _Voyager._"

"And what was that?"

She considered it for a moment. "Well, I didn't tell anyone at first.Temporal Prime Directive, you understand.But we have changed the future considerably by coming home 16 years ahead of schedule, so I suppose that future is irrelevant."She stopped pacing and turned to face him."In Admiral Janeway's timeline, Chakotay and Seven were married."She paused to gage his reaction.The hologram looked horror-stricken."I know, I felt the same way when she told me.Naturally, I thought my chance with Chakotay had passed.I figured I'd refused him for too long, and I just wanted him to be happy.Even if that meant I had to watch him be with Seven."

"And now?"

"And now I realize that Seven may not be making him happy after all.Things are different now, we aren't on the ship anymore.I'm not his captain anymore.We always had an unspoken agreement between us, Chakotay and me.We never said it aloud, but I think it was always understood that when we made it home, we would finally be able to have a life together.I guess I always thought he'd wait for me."

"Perhaps he may have had a future with Seven on _Voyager _because he knew you were unattainable as long as we were on the ship.But now that we're home, well - that changes everything."

"Exactly," she grinned."That's what I'm hoping.Tom's right, I need to go to him.I need to tell him how I feel.I owe him that much.And you need to do the same thing, Doctor."

The Doctor followed Kathryn to her bedroom, where she pulled out her small travel bag and began packing."What are you doing?"

"I'm packing.And so should you."

"Me?Where am I going?For that matter, where are YOU going?"

"I'm going to Arizona," she said."Before I lose my nerve."She looked up at him as she stuffed a blue sundress into her bag."And you're going to Vulcan.You can use my private shuttle.Now get moving."

He looked genuinely surprised."That sounded suspiciously like an order, _Kathryn._"

"If that's what it takes," she said, her hands on her hips."You need to go to Vulcan and find Seven.Then you need to take her some place nice, some where private."

"I see," he said patronizingly."And then what?You seem to have this all figured out."

She regarded him with as much patience as she could muster.Given her slamming headache and nervous stomach, it wasn't much."You're going to tell her how you feel about her.Not some quick deathbed confession in front of half the senior staff this time, either.You need to sit with her, look her in the eyes, and calmly tell her how much she means to you."

"I don't know…"  
  


"You have to do this, Doctor.At least then she'll know.No matter what happens between you, she'll know that you love her.That has to count for something."She regarded her old friend affectionately."She deserves to hear the truth.And you deserve a chance.Don't shortchange yourself, my friend.She can't make an informed decision if she doesn't know how you really feel.Give her a chance, hmmm?"

The Doctor seemed to consider this new information for a moment."Going to Vulcan in the famous Captain Janeway's personal shuttle.How could a hologram refuse?"His nervousness showed clearly in his face."I suppose I should get going.Vulcan is a big planet.Any suggestions where I should begin?"

She bit her lower lip in thought."Start with Tuvok.I bet he knows where she is."

They shared a meaningful gaze, and then the Doctor pulled his captain into an embrace."Thank you for everything, Kathryn.I hope you find what you're looking for."

"And you," she answered softly, squeezing his shoulder.

He paused in the bedroom doorway and looked back at her."Oh, and take a shower, would you?You're likely to scare the commander to death with that hairdo.You look like an electrocuted African Bush woman. "

She laughed and ran her hands through her unruly locks."Yes, Doctor."

She watched his retreating from as he exited her apartment._Oh, Seven, don't break his heart_, she thought silently._And Chakotay, don't break mine.No matter how many times I've torn yours out._She took one last look at herself in the mirror.The face that stared back at her was a little older than the one she wore when she first left Earth.A few more wrinkles, each with a story to tell.Her complexion was wan and the dark circles under her eyes made her look like she had the flu.But there was hope burning in her blue eyes for the first time since Admiral Janeway stormed into her life and told her none too gently that Chakotay had moved on.And that was all she needed – a little hope.

Well … that and a hot bath.

TO BE CONTINUED…


	3. Hot Flashes

Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager and all things contained therein are the property of Paramount Kathryn Janeway Normal Kathryn Janeway 2 783 2001-11-02T02:22:00Z 2001-11-02T02:22:00Z 9 3138 17889 n/a 149 35 21968 9.2720 

Disclaimer:  Star Trek: Voyager and all things contained therein are the property of Paramount.  No infringement intended.  They own the characters, but they sold their souls a long, long time ago.

Chapter Three 

The air on Vulcan was dry, bone dry actually.  Had he been made of real flesh and blood instead of photons and force fields, he was sure that his every step would've kicked up enough dehydrated sand particles to create a small dust storm.  And if he'd had sweat glands, he'd be sweating like a cadet before an inquiry board.  He smirked inwardly and silently congratulated himself on his apparent superiority.  There were definitely times when being a hologram had it's privileges.

The Doctor hummed softly to himself as he approached Commander Tuvok's home.  He'd been rehearsing a lively Romulan operetta in the shuttle, and the tune had not yet left him.  He rapped softly on the door, and wondered if the Vulcan would consider his unannounced visit to be rude.  Perhaps he should've called ahead…

The door opened to reveal the beautifully sculpted face of Tuvok's mate, T'Pel.  Despite the fact that he had seen her several times before, the Doctor found that he was always taken aback for a moment in her presence.  The diminutive, attractive Vulcan woman exuded an air of soft-spoken logic, and in her captivating dark eyes burned the fire of vast knowledge and wisdom.  Yet, she reeked of softness and femininity.  It was easy to understand how she had captured Tuvok's attention.  But then, the Doctor had come to realize that he had an affinity for logic minded, rational women.

"T'Pel," he said with a smile.  "It's wonderful to see you again."

She acknowledged his greeting with a slight inclination of her head, and a simple, "Doctor."

"I apologize for dropping by unannounced.  I hope it isn't too much of an imposition."

"Of course not.  Please, come inside."

He stepped carefully into the house, noting instantly the unique Vulcan tapestries adorning the walls.  The décor was befitting of the security chief he knew so well.  Logical and efficient, but not without its own style of artistry – just like Tuvok.  "Is Commander Tuvok in? I would very much like to speak to him."

"He is," she nodded slightly.  "If you would be kind enough take a seat, I will summon him."

The Doctor sat on the edge of a large wooden chair.  Somehow, he couldn't bring himself to lean back and relax against the high chair back.  There was just something unholy or disrespectful about kicking back and taking a load off in a Vulcan's sitting room.  He heard T'Pel's even voice from somewhere upstairs.  "You have a visitor, Husband."

Ever the picture of efficiency, Tuvok appeared only seconds later.  "Doctor, welcome to Vulcan.  I did not anticipate seeing you today."

The EMH rose to his feet.  "I apologize for showing up on your doorstep, Tuvok."

"No apology is required.  I am … gratified to see you again."

The Doctor suppressed a grin.  He figured that was Vulcan for _I've missed you._  "I'm delighted to see you as well, Commander.  This is my first time on Vulcan.  It's – "  It's what?  Dry?  Unnervingly quiet?  A little spooky?  "It's very … distinctive."

Tuvok raised a dark eyebrow.  "Indeed."  He gestured for the Doctor to sit as T'Pel entered the room with a tray containing a tea service and a steaming beverage.  Tuvok lifted the teapot off the tray.  "I understand you are now able to ingest food and beverage.  Would you care for a cup of Vulcan spice tea?"

The Doctor nodded.  "I'd love some."

Tuvok poured them each a serving, and then held his cup below his nose and inhaled the spicy aroma.  A rather Human gesture, the Doctor thought.  After taking a sip of the hot tea, Tuvok regarded the EMH with his customary steady gaze.  "Am I correct in assuming that this is not simply a casual visit, Doctor?"

Typical Tuvok.  Not much gets by that guy.  "Actually, you are.  I'm afraid my visit is not without ulterior motivation.  I'm uh … I'm looking for Seven of Nine.  Captain Janeway seemed to think you would know where I could find her."

"The captain is wise."

"Then you know where she is?"  He hoped he didn't sound as desperate as he felt.

"I do,'" he nodded.  "She has been our guest for the past two weeks.  However, she is not here at the moment."

"I see," the Doctor said.  "Where is she?"

"Seven has been engaged in studies at the Vulcan Science Academy."

"I … wasn't aware of that.  I didn't even know she'd left Earth until the captain told me."  The Doctor was slowly realizing just how far removed from her life he'd become, and it didn't sit well with him at all.  There was a time when she came to him for studies and guidance.  Now she'd relocated to another planet, and she didn't even bother to tell him.  Perhaps it was too late…

As if he could read the Doctor's thoughts, Tuvok said, "Her decision to leave Earth was sudden.  I do not believe she communicated her intentions to anyone.  In fact, it appears her reason for being here is not limited to academic aspirations."

"What do you mean?"

"It has been my opinion that Seven of Nine is searching for inner peace.  Loneliness and isolation have been her constant companions.  I believe that she is trying to purge her Human emotions and rid herself of the need for companionship."

"But she was making so much progress!  I really thought she was embracing her Humanity.  Is this a result of her relationship with Chakotay?" he asked, suddenly feeling slightly angry.

"I do not know what transpired between Seven and the commander," answered Tuvok.  "I only know that if she continues in her current manner, she will only end up bringing harm to herself.  Seven is, for the most part, Human.  Despite her remaining Borg technology, she lacks the mental discipline and basic physiology to suppress her emotions indefinitely.  Now that you have performed the procedure that allows Seven to experience intense emotions, she must express them.  To do otherwise would be … illogical."

"Well then we must help her."

Again, Tuvok raised an eyebrow.  "That goes without saying, Doctor.  I have tried to assist her.  I have offered counsel, advised her to face her emotions, but she is stubborn."

The Doctor snorted.  "That's an understatement."

"Perhaps," he replied.  "But what she needs now is someone who can help her express her feelings.  In that role, I am woefully unqualified."

"And I'm not?  I'm a hologram, remember?"

"Hologram or no, you and the captain have been her guides in the ways of Humanity, her teachers if you will.  She is accustomed to your counsel."  Tuvok rose to his feet.  "I did not contact either one of you out of respect for Seven's privacy.  That is the reason that we cannot contact Captain Janeway in this matter.  However, Doctor, since you're already here – "

The EMH also rose to his feet.  "I understand, Commander."

"Perhaps Seven of Nine would benefit from a visit with an old friend.  Her last class ends within the hour," said Tuvok.  

"Then I suppose I'd better be on my way."  He stopped at the door and turned to look at Tuvok.  "Thank you.  It was good to see you again, Tuvok."

The Vulcan nodded regally.  "And you."  

*~*~*~*

Chakotay leaned back in the chair and sipped on his iced tea.  He enjoyed the feeling of the frosty glass against his hot skin.  He wondered why he'd chosen this sidewalk café in the first place as the sun beat down on him.  He had a sudden urge to dump the cold liquid over his head, but decided the gruff waitress who'd begrudgingly served him his salad wouldn't appreciate it.  He was already tired of the Arizona heat.  He found that fact ironically humorous, considering that he'd grown up in the near-desert climate of Trebus.  He figured that spending seven years on a climate-controlled ship had made him soft.  That, or he was just getting old.  

He stabbed at the leafy green lettuce with his fork.  The salad was well prepared, but during his time on _Voyager _he'd gotten used to the exotic tastes of Neelix's food.  Earth recipes were almost bland in comparison, and his palate was still adapting.  It just didn't appeal to him at the moment.  

Chakotay heard the shuffle of feet and sensed movement behind him.  Assuming it was the waitress, he gestured to his plate.  "You can take this now.  I'm finished," he said without turning around.

The voice that answered him didn't belong to the waitress, but it was unmistakable.  "No thanks.  I've already eaten."

_Janeway?  _After seven years of obeying that voice, his reaction was more reflexive than voluntary.  She'd caught him off guard.  Before he even realized it, he was on his feet and turning to face her.  He damned near snapped to attention.  "Captain?"

Janeway chuckled softly and offered him a crooked smile.  "At ease, Chakotay.  This isn't a surprise inspection.  We're both on leave right now.  And the name's Kathryn, remember?"

Chakotay felt his cheeks flush slightly at the sight of her.  And his own reaction was perplexing.  He was never one to behave like a nervous crewman at her authority, or anyone's authority for that matter.  But then, his relationship with Kathryn had been strained at best before they returned to Earth.  And he hadn't seen much of her since the debriefings.  Any conversations they'd had had been brief and perfunctory.  Strictly professional in fact.  It'd been a while since he'd addressed her by her given name, and he found that even after seven years of very close friendship, her name no longer rolled so freely off his tongue.  That was something he'd have to change.

He took in the sight of her in civilian clothing.  The cream colored sundress she wore clung to her slight form in all the right places and her chin tilted slightly upwards in an aristocratic – or was it defiant? – manner.  She had a stately air about her.  Leave it to Kathryn Janeway to make a simple dress appear elegant.  Her auburn hair was loose and curled slightly around her chin, drawing attention to her slender neck and delicate collarbones.  She was beautiful, he'd always known that.  But standing there at that moment, a lopsided grin on her face, she was the most breathtaking sight he'd ever laid eyes on.  A gentle smile spread across his handsome face as he extended his arms and pulled her into a friendly embrace.  "Kathryn," was all he managed to say.

She returned the hug, and then pulled back to look at him, her hands clasping his muscular forearms.  "Hello, Chakotay," she said softly.  "It's so good to see you again."

He stared at her for a moment, reluctant to let go.  Finally, he pulled out a chair and gestured for her to join him at the table.  "It's good to see you, too."  He watched her take her seat, his dark eyes never leaving her face.  "I had no idea you were in Arizona.  What brings you to this part of the globe?"

She averted her eyes briefly and folded her hands in her lap.  "I was looking for you actually."

Chakotay's brows rose in surprise.  "Really?"  He liked that idea more than he cared to admit.  "Well, now you've found me."

She laughed softly.  "Yes, and it was no small task, I assure you.  Fortunately, I have a friend or two in the paleontology arena myself, so I just called in a few favors.  But I'll admit, I found myself wishing for the days when you wore a combadge and all I had to do was ask the computer for your location."

He smiled sadly.  "Yes.  I miss _Voyager _too."  He took another sip of his iced tea.  "Any idea what they plan to do with the ship now?"

She ran a hand through her cinnamon hair.  "Not yet.  Apparently, there's a raging debate at HQ.  Some of them want to give _Voyager _a refit and send her back up.  Others want to see her decommissioned and preserved as she is.  It seems that Starfleet brass can't decide what to do with the famous ship."  She dropped her head slightly.  "Or with her captain."

His brow furrowed.  "What do you mean?"

"They finished my debriefing, and then _strongly recommended_ that I take my thirty days leave.  I could end up being promoted, or court-martialed, I just don't know yet."  She rubbed absently at her temple, her hangover headache threatening to rear its ugly head.

"You don't really think they'll court-martial you, do you?  You're in the public eye right now, Kathryn.  Everyone knows about the heroic Captain Janeway who never gave up and brought her crew home.  They've got to realize that it'd be a bad move for them to tarnish their own heroine."

She'd been called a hero in the news programs, and had heard it several times before.  But somehow, it sounded different coming from Chakotay, and she found herself blushing a little.  "Well, that depends on your definition of a hero I suppose.  I haven't paid much attention to that nonsense, and I certainly don't see myself that way."

"But you are," he said without a moment's hesitation.  "You are a hero.  You kept us all going, and you never gave up, no matter the odds.  If it hadn't been for your determination, we probably would've just settled down on some little planet somewhere."

Images of New Earth came unbidden to her mind, and she smiled gently.  "I'm not so sure that would've been a bad thing."  She looked up at him, searching his eyes briefly before she continued.  His gaze was fixed on her as he gave her his full attention.  "I know it probably sounds crazy, Chakotay, but sometimes I find myself wishing we'd have done just that."

His dark eyebrows rose in surprise.   Before he could respond, the waitress approached.  She took Chakotay's salad plate and glanced at Janeway.  "Did you wanna order somethin'?"

"Coffee, please," she said shakily.  She folded her hands in her lap and tried to ignore the fact that they were trembling slightly.  She didn't feel very well.  She wasn't sure if it was the nagging remains of her night with Tom Paris, or the hot Arizona air.  But she pushed the discomfort to the back of her mind.

Chakotay waited patiently while the waitress poured Kathryn's beloved coffee, wondering briefly how she could drink it in this heat.  When the waitress left, he turned his gaze on Janeway and said, "You wish that we'd stayed in the Delta Quadrant?"  

"Sometimes," she shrugged, wiping the sweat from her brow.  "At least then, we'd all be together.  We'd still be a family."  

"We're still a family, Kathryn."

She took a few sips of her coffee, eyeing him over the rim of her cup.  "I know.  It's just different now.  We're spread out all over the place.  You're here in Arizona, I'm back and forth between San Francisco and Indiana…"

He grinned mischievously, his deep dimples coming to the surface.  "If I didn't know better, I'd think you're saying that you miss me."

Her blue eyes focused on his face, and when she spoke, it was barely above a whisper.  "I _do_ miss you, Chakotay." 

His dark eyes were warm with affection.  "I miss you, too, Kathryn.  Very much."

Before Janeway could really absorb what he said, she felt her stomach rolling as the few sips of coffee she'd had hit it.  The sudden attack of nausea was her digestive system's none to subtle way of telling her that it hadn't forgiven her for a single drop of the Liquid Cocaine she had the night before, and the coffee simply would not be tolerated.  It was going to come back up, whether she liked it or not.  

Chakotay noticed the tinge of green spread across her face and beads of sweat break out across her forehead.  She didn't look well all of a sudden.  Concern on his handsome face, he rose to his feet and stepped toward her.  "Kathryn, are you okay?"

Her only answer was a deep groan, and then she slapped her hands tightly over her mouth.  She ran for the bathroom faster than an ensign at Red Alert, Chakotay on her heels.  She pushed her way into the stall, dropped weakly to her knees, and proceeded to pay for her little binge, and pay dearly.  And as her intestines lurched into her throat, she briefly entertained the idea of turning the Doctor into a holographic earthworm.

Chakotay waited outside the door to the ladies room.  He could hear the awful retching coming from inside, and knew that Janeway had become violently ill.  He was about to throw propriety to the wind and run in there himself when the gruff waitress appeared at his side.  "What's her problem?  I know my coffee isn't that bad."

Chakotay took her arm firmly.  "I need you to go in there and see if she's okay.  She might need help or medical attention."

The waitress rolled her hazel eyes and wiped a lock of dry, frizzy brown hair off her forehead.  "Okay, but you better remember this in my tip."  Chakotay thought she had the temperament of a Kazon, not to mention the figure of a big blob of protoplasm, but if she'd check on Kathryn for him, he'd tip her as well as he would Miss Congeniality herself.

The heavy set woman pushed her way into the bathroom, now empty besides the one woman who was vomiting her guts up.  She opened the door to Janeway's stall and eyed the slumped figure at her feet.  "You alright?"

"No," Janeway wheezed.  "Go away and let me die in peace."

"Tempting offer," she said.  "But your boyfriend's a little worried out there.  Thinks you might need a doctor."  Janeway said nothing.  "Well … do ya?"

The intense nausea began to recede, and Kathryn mopped her sweaty brow and leaned against the wall.  "Actually, I could really use a cool washcloth."

The waitress rolled her eyes.  "Now I'm a nurse," she grumbled as she slogged over to the cabinet and retrieved a fuzzy white hand towel.  She ran it under the cold water and, without wringing it out, tossed it to Janeway.

The cold rag hit her square in the face, splattering the cold water into her hair and all over her clothes.  "Thank you," she said dryly, icy droplets dripping off her lips and chin.  "Your compassion is heartwarming."

Chakotay couldn't stand it.  He had to know what was going on.  He stepped gingerly into the bathroom.  "Kathryn?  Are you all right?"  He stood beside the waitress and looked down at the slouching figure of his fearless starship captain.  She was breathing hard and mopping her soaking wet face with an even wetter towel.  He assumed she was trying to dry herself off, but all she was managing to do was smear the water around.  He noted her pale complexion and mussed hair, and his heart broke in two.  She really looked small and pathetic.  He got a dry towel from the cabinet and knelt down beside her.  He cupped her chin in his hand as he gently wiped the water from her face.  "I think we better get you to a hospital, Kathryn.  You look like you're suffering from heat stroke."

Well, he was partially correct, she supposed.  The heat hadn't helped her situation whatsoever.  "It's not heat stroke, and I don't need a hospital.  But I do need to get out of here."

He shook his head.  "I think you should see a doctor."

Janeway rolled her eyes.  "I already saw a doctor, or rather he saw me."

The waitress looked expectantly at Chakotay.  "I have other customers, so if it's all the same to you…"

"Of course," he said, never taking his eyes off Kathryn.  "Don't let us hold you up."

"Too late for that," she grumbled as she walked out of the bathroom.

"Nice friends you've made here, Chakotay," she teased.  She grunted as she tried to pull herself to her feet, suddenly very dizzy.  Chakotay watched her sway dangerously as she staggered to her feet.  Without another thought, he scooped her up in his arms and headed for the door.  "What do you think you're doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" he answered.  "I'm taking you to the hospital."

She laughed sardonically.  "You plan to carry me all the way there?"

He looked down at her, concern etching his features.  "I've carried you before, Kathryn.  And if you need me to, I'll carry you again."

"Now who's the hero?"

Ignoring her attempts at humor, he said, "You need a doctor."

"No, I don't.  I told you, I've already seen the Doctor.  I saw OUR Doctor this morning."  She tapped his shoulder.  "Put me down, Chakotay, before some reporter sees us."

Now he really looked worried.  It wasn't like Janeway to see the doctor willingly.  He stood still for a moment, still holding her in his arms.  "Is something wrong, Kathryn?  Are you ill?"

Realization finally penetrated her foggy mind, and she realized that he thought something was seriously wrong with her health.  "Oh, no, Chakotay.  I'm fine, really.  I just – "

Janeway paused as a woman walked into the bathroom.  The young Bajoran stopped in her tracks when she saw Janeway and Chakotay.  "Oh, uh … I'm … I'm sorry," she said, backing toward the door nervously.  "Excuse … excuse me.  I'll just come back later.  Didn't mean to interrupt."

Chakotay chuckled softly at the horrified expression on Kathryn's face.  She wriggled against him and shot him a scolding glance.  "Look, I'll explain everything, I promise.  Just put me down."  He set her gently on her feet, but kept a firm hold on her arms.  "Thank you," she said, trying not to think about the spectacle they must've been.  "I have a room at a hotel on the other end of the city.  The transporter site is just a few blocks from here.  Come back to my room with me before someone else sees me looking like this, and I promise to fill you in, okay?"

He eyed her cautiously.  "If you're sure you're all right."

"I'm fine."  She clutched her stomach warily.  "Nauseated, but fine.  Let's go."

"Okay," he grinned, taking her arm gently.  "But I still think it'd be more fun if I carried you.  Give them all something to talk about."

She grimaced to herself.  "I've given them plenty to talk about already, trust me."


	4. Confessions

Chapter 4 Tammy Young Normal Kathryn Janeway 2 8 2001-11-07T20:52:00Z 2001-11-07T20:52:00Z 9 3126 17823 Arcane Technologies 148 35 21887 9.2720 @font-face { font-family: Verdana; } @page Section1 {size: 8.5in 11.0in; margin: 1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin: .5in; mso-footer-margin: .5in; mso-paper-source: 0; } P.MsoNormal { FONT-SIZE: 12pt; MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; FONT-FAMILY: "Times New Roman"; mso-style-parent: ""; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman" } LI.MsoNormal { FONT-SIZE: 12pt; MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; FONT-FAMILY: "Times New Roman"; mso-style-parent: ""; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman" } DIV.MsoNormal { FONT-SIZE: 12pt; MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; FONT-FAMILY: "Times New Roman"; mso-style-parent: ""; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman" } P.MsoBodyText { FONT-SIZE: 8.5pt; MARGIN-LEFT: 0in; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0in; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman" } LI.MsoBodyText { FONT-SIZE: 8.5pt; MARGIN-LEFT: 0in; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0in; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman" } DIV.MsoBodyText { FONT-SIZE: 8.5pt; MARGIN-LEFT: 0in; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0in; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman" } DIV.Section1 { page: Section1 } 

Note from LadyChakotay: As you know, this story was born just a day or two before the tragedy that befell the United States, and the world. Perhaps due to that fact, and other absorbing commitments, I have had great difficulty bringing it to completion. So, rather than keep loyal readers waiting further, I have handed the reigns over to a dear friend of mine, and a very talented author in her own right, Tammy from VoyagerCat. She has graciously agreed to finish what I started, and for that I am most grateful. This chapter, and the chapters that follow are hers. Thank you, Tammy!

Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager and all things contained therein are the property of Paramount Pictures. No infringement intended.

Author: VoyagerCat

Chapter 4

The Doctor had staked out a good position outside the building in wait for Seven. He was damn glad he was not a humanoid at the moment. The hot dry wind would have melted even the toughest of tough guys. He briefly wondered if his holo-matrix would start to melt. Just as the possibility occurred, he saw her. She looked even more beautiful than he remembered. Her hair was no longer in that tight twist, but rather bouncing over her slender shoulders as she walked. She was wearing a pair of jeans that hugged her shapely legs. Her blouse was a shade of light buttercup-yellow, almost the same color as her hair. As much as the Doctor liked her form fitting cat-suits he had designed, this was much better. She walked with a sense of style and grace that he always knew she possessed. For a few moments, he just stood watching her from his hidden vantage point. What was he going to say to her, how could he tell her? What if she didn't want anything to do with him, could he accept that after all this time? While these questions played themselves over in his holo-head, he noticed something else about her, or rather someone with her. On closer inspection, he saw it was a young male Vulcan, and for a Vulcan he was not bad looking. An unexpected twinge of jealousy hit. Seven was laughing, and the young Vulcan seemed to be the reason. Before he realized it, his legs were propelling him toward her. His last thought before she spotted him was to run back the other way, but it was a nanosecond of thought too late.

"Doctor!" Seven's musical voice rang through his ears. She started toward him leaving the Vulcan behind. That put a smile back on the Doctor's face. "What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you, Seven." His smile continued as they approached each other.

"How did you find me Doctor?" Her words were without emotion, but her slight smile was a different matter.

"Let's just say the old Voyager rumor mill is still running at full speed. Plus the use of the Captain's private transport didn't hurt." The slight smile broadened on Seven's face.

"How is Captain Janeway?" As she asked the question, she suddenly realized that something could be wrong with her friend and mentor. Well she hoped she would still be considered a friend. The Doctor didn't miss her sudden change of expression.

"The Captain is fine, well except that she's suffering from her own stupidity. Whatever she was drinking last night will be with her for a day or two." The Doctor had a big grin plastered on his face at the memory of his former captain.

"I don't see that this is a funny situation Doctor. Why would Captain Janeway be drinking in the first place, it's not something she would normally do?"

"No she wouldn't, but in this case she had her reasons and I'm not going to judge her for her actions. However, it is funny, well if you'd have seen her. She looked like a Kazon having a bad hair day." Seven still didn't seem to find any humor in the situation. "I guess you just had to be there."

"So it would seem Doctor, but she will be alright won't she?"

"She'll be fine, unless her reason for drinking breaks her heart."

"Doctor, you are not making any sense." Seven was finding it difficult keeping up with the conversation. Her own troubling thoughts had most of her attention and one of those thoughts just happened to be standing right in front of her.

"It's not important Seven, I'm sure Kathryn can take care of herself." He received a very uncertain look from Seven.

"I didn't realize you were on a first name bases with the Captain, Doctor."

"Well she is the one who said to call her Kathryn, it is a bit strange to me too, but I'm happy to oblige." Seven still didn't look too convinced, but let it drop for now. "Seven, I came here because I wanted to talk to you about something." Seven's slight smile was back in place.

"Fine Doctor, why don't we find somewhere a bit less, meltingly-hot. I don't understand how the Vulcan people can tolerate such extreme dry heat. At least on a Borg ship we had a warm humid atmosphere." The Doctor smiled in return.

"That's not quite how I would describe a Borg atmosphere, but I agree it is hot here. Do you have some place in mind we could go?"

"I don't know this planet well but there is a nice quiet cafe not far from here. I know you can't eat but…"

"Then you haven't heard that I can eat whatever I want to now. Just an added feature complements of Starfleet. They've done some pretty remarkable things with holo-programming, well not to mention some help from yours truly."

"I'm sure of that Doctor." Seven took the Doctor's arm and they headed for a bit of shelter from the heat, and a long overdo conversation. 

~~~~~~

"Chakotay just have a seat and I'll be right back." Kathryn headed for the bathroom of her hotel sweat.

"Are you sure you don't need any help Kathryn, you really don't look too well."

"I don't need your help and don't follow me, I'm embarrassed enough as it is." She slammed the bathroom door and slumped to the floor trying with all her might to control the liquid hell that was still in her system. _"I swear to God I'm going to kill Tom with my own two hands for this." _She mumbled to herself as she drug her butt up off the floor and made it to the sink. One look at her reflection in the mirror and it was all it took to start the retching again. When the wave of horror subsided, she washed her face in cool water and brushed her teeth. She took another look in the mirror and wondered why she wasn't dead. She looked it, felt it, and at the moment thought it was a damn good idea. _Well, before I put both feet in the grave I have to tell Chakotay how I really feel. He has the right to know and I'm going to do this if it kills me, unless I'm dead already. _She carried her thoughts with her as she ran a comb through her hair and headed out to face her biggest fear.

Chakotay was sitting on the sofa with a glass of ice-tea for both of them. "I thought this might be a bit better than coffee on your stomach." He handed her the glass as she took the big soft chair across from him.

"Thank you, it should help and one thing's for sure, it can't make it any worse." She took a hesitant sip, watching his expression the while she drank. Chakotay sat patiently waiting for her to start the conversation. She sat her glass down on the table and cleared her throat. "I suppose you want to know why I'm here." She tried a weak smile for him.

"Yes, but first I want to know if you are ok and what is wrong with you. I've never seen you so… "

"Dead looking." Kathryn finished his statement.

"Well I wasn't going to be quite so blunt, but yes you have looked better." That seemed to help break the tension in the room, just a bit.

"All I can say is if we'd have had this Liquid Cocaine on Voyager, we would have gotten home a hell of a lot faster. A few drops of that in the warp core and we would have beaten trans-warp speed." Chakotay started laughing. "It's not that funny Commander."

"Oh yes it is Kathryn. We did have Liquid Cocaine on Voyager, complements of Mr. Paris." He was having some trouble speaking between the laughter. "I'm damn proud of you Kathryn, not many live to tell the tale of LC."

"And just how would you know about that Commander, you aren't a survivor of such a fine drink are you?"

"I'm afraid so Kathryn. Tom fixed me one of them on Voyager. I was so sick I wished I was dead. I damn near threw him out an airlock for that one." Now Kathryn was laughing as hard as Chakotay had been.

"Well it servers you right for drinking on my ship, but I'll forgive you if… you help me with some sweet revenge."

"It's a deal, but you still haven't told me why you ingested the poison in the first place."

"Partly because it was a dare, I can never back down from a challenge." She looked away from his gaze.

"I know that, I lived with you for seven years, well lived close to you anyway."

_Not close enough Chakotay. _Her thought matched her expression as she looked back up at him. "I suppose you do know me pretty well, but you don't know all." She hesitated again and took another sip of ice-tea. "You were the reason I was drinking with Tom in the first place."

"Me? I wasn't even there." He was trying to be funny but he could see it wasn't working.

"That was the problem Chakotay, you were not there. I've hardly seen you since we made it home. I've really missed you, more than I thought possible. Seven years of close contact with someone, and then they are just gone is a bit hard. I've felt a bit lost." Chakotay's face had turned very serious. This was an unexpected revelation and one he thought he'd never hear from her.

"Kathryn, why didn't you just contact me? I would have been there in an instant." He was afraid he knew the answer to that and when he saw her expression, his heart sank. He had done this to her. He'd pushed her out of his life because of Seven.

"Because you had Seven and because I had made a promise to stay out of your life, to let you be happy with someone else." Now his heart felt like a photon-torpedo just shot through it.

"Kathryn, I'm so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you. I don't know what I was thinking trying to have any relationship with Seven." He stopped and looked into her tear-filled blood-shot eyes. "Kathryn, how did you find out about me and Seven? How long have you known?"

"Admiral Janeway." She didn't elaborate further.

"I don't understand, you mean, you?"

"Yes, it seems I've known all along, just didn't know I knew." She smiled through the trickling tears.

"But Seven and I had only had a couple of dates then. There really wasn't much to know. I really wasn't sure of anything."

"Well I was, or rather my older self was. She told me that you and Seven would be married and that Seven would die in a few years and you would be devastated when she died in your arms. She said you would never be the same." Chakotay was in shock; he couldn't even get his mouth to translate what his brain was telling him. "I'm sorry Chakotay, I shouldn't have told you that, but I've changed the future so much already, and Seven isn't going to die on an away mission any longer. I just… I'm sorry." Chakotay stood up and walked over to the window that overlooked the Arizona desert. The sun was still at its peak as Chakotay hid the tears building in his eyes. "Chakotay, maybe this isn't the time for this conversation. I'm not here to cause you any more pain. I've done enough of that over the last seven years." He spun around letting her see the tears pooling in his eyes and slipping down his face.

"Kathryn, don't you ever think this is your fault. You've done nothing to hurt me, I've managed that all by myself." Her tears were every bit as visible as his, but he was determined to make her understand. "I don't know if Seven and I would have gotten married if we were still on Voyager, but I honestly don't think so. I may have wanted, even needed a relationship, but I don't think it would have worked with Seven, here or on Voyager."

"But Chakotay, you did love her and you were married to her. I'm the one that has gotten in the way of your happiness. It was me that made the decision to go through the trans-warp conduit. I changed the future, your future." Chakotay walked over and knelt down by her, taking her hand in his.

"No Kathryn, you didn't change my future. You gave me a future. You gave all of us a future. What Admiral Janeway went through isn't our future. You will never be that Admiral Janeway, you will make your own path in life and that's just what all of your crew is going to do. You changed nothing, but you gave us everything."

"Chakotay, how can you say that after I've hurt you so much, turned my back on you so many times. I've changed your life by not accepting you into mine. I've pushed you away, right into Seven's arms. I've caused you so much unhappiness." Chakotay reached up and brushed the tears away from her pale cheeks.

"Kathryn, I've never been happier than I am at this moment. I've found more happiness being with you over the last seven years than I could have found in a lifetime. I would never have been happy with Seven, I don't love Seven, I love you Kathryn and I always will, no matter what our future holds." Kathryn's heart melted along with her fears. Tom was right; Chakotay really did still love her. She wrapped her arms around his neck as they both held on tightly through a myriad of emotions. It was one of the most precious moments of Chakotay's life. To be able to share his feelings with the one person who meant so much to him. To hold her in his arms, something he had only dreamed about. After what could have been hours, but was only a few minutes they both stood up and started laughing. Just a left over emotion coming to the surface.

"Chakotay, I… I, oh God!" Kathryn bolted running for the bathroom. The Liquid Hell wasn't finished with its revenge. Chakotay tried desperately not to laugh, but when he heard the cursing, in-between the retching, he just couldn't help it. Not for the first time in his life, he was glad he wasn't Tom Paris. He managed to get his laughter under control and get a fresh glass of ice-tea before Kathryn came out of the bathroom. She looked like death warmed over but to Chakotay she had never been more beautiful.

"Here, this is a different blend of ice-tea that should do the trick." Chakotay tried to hand her the glass.

"No way, I'm not putting one more thing into my stomach, ever!" Chakotay started laughing again.

"It will pass Kathryn, it's just going to take a day or two."

"I won't live that long, and neither will Tom Paris." She walked slowly over to the couch and lay down putting her hand over her throbbing head.

"I promise you will live Kathryn, but Mr. Paris may not be so lucky." He sat down on the couch, lifting her feet up onto his lap. "You know Kathryn, I do have a cure that may just help you." He started to take her sandals off.

"What would that be?" Her smile started to spread as his fingers worked a bit of magic on her feet.

"It's been said that rubbing one's feet can reduce many physical ailments, as well as emotional ones." He applied a bit more pressure to his massage as her eyes closed and she relaxed to his touch. "See, it's working already."

"Hmm, very nice. Ever consider becoming a Doctor, your cure is much better than a hypo-spray."

"It's just some good old fashion TLC, don't need a medical degree for that."

"Well I'm honored to be the recipient of your tender loving care. I don't deserve it, but I'm grateful none the less, and I… " Her words trailed off as she drifted off to sleep. Chakotay continued rubbing her feet for a few more minutes, making sure she was sound asleep. He then slipped out from under her feet and placed a lightweight blanket over her. Kissing her head, he silently slipped out the door.

~~~~~~~

The little café was much cooler and much more private. Seven and the Doctor sat at a table well away from anyone else, sipping ice water and sharing a plate of different kinds of fruit. The Doctor was enjoying all the different taste and Seven was enjoying watching him. It was a role reversal at it's best. A couple years ago, and it was the Doctor watching Seven learn to eat and enjoy food for the first time since she had been assimilated. "Seven, you should try this one, it's marvelous." 

"I have Doctor, it's called passion fruit." The Doctor looked up at her with a mouth full of the frit and juice dripping from his chin. Seven started laughing slightly at her friend. "Don't worry Doctor, it won't cast a love spell on you or anything, it's just a name."

"I wasn't worried Seven, it's just that… " He let the sentence trail off as he took a big drink of water.

"Just that what Doctor? You have been acting a bit nervous, what's the matter with you?"

"Nothing is the matter, it's just that I want to tell you something, but I'm having some trouble getting the words out."

"I would suggest you just say it Doctor, that is what you would tell me to do."

"Well maybe not in this case, but I don't see any other way to do it." He looked directly into her big blue eyes and cleared his throat. "Seven, I love you." From her expression, the Doctor thought she was going to get up and leave, but then a slight smile appeared at the corner of her mouth.

"I already know that Doctor, you told me that when we were on Voyager." His hurt expression made Seven regret she had said that, but it was too late now. She tried a different answer. "Doctor, I've known how you felt for a long time. The problem is that I don't know how I feel, not about anything or anyone. Dealing with these emotions has been very hard and I know I haven't done very well at expressing myself."

"Seven, it's not your fault, you haven't had any experience with emotions, it's going to take you some time. I don't want to put any pressure on you; I just needed to tell you how I feel, even if you don't feel the same."

"Doctor, I don't know how I feel, but I do know that you are one of my only friends and I'm glad you are here." She looked down at her plate of half eaten fruit.

"Seven, I will always be your friend, and you have many friends from Voyager." Her sad eyes locked on to his again.

"I don't think so Doctor, I have hurt too many people and I haven't really had anyone to talk to since we arrived in the Alpha Quadrant. At times, I wish I was still a Borg. I don't like the way I feel and I don't know how to changed it."

"Seven, you do have friends, what about Commander Chakotay and the Captain?" The moment he mentioned Chakotay he could see the regret in her eyes and he felt it in himself.

"The Commander and I haven't seen each other for weeks and I doubt he still considers me a friend." Although the Doctor was smiling inside, he didn't let it show on his face.

"Do you want to tell me what happened? I thought you two were… involved."

"We are not involved, well not anymore and I don't think we ever really were. When we were on Voyager I thought maybe that was what I wanted with him, but it just didn't work out. I know it was my fault for even trying to have a relationship with him, but I thought he could teach me something about a relationship. He was always very popular on Voyager and everyone liked him, so I thought he would be the perfect choice."

"How did he feel about you? The Doctor knew this was hurting Seven, but he sensed she really wanted to talk about it, and he really wanted to know.

"I don't really know. He seemed to be interested at first, but he always hesitated, like he was not sure he wanted to be with me. He was always kind and we did have a few… dates as humans call them, but it never went any further. Once we got back to the Alpha Quadrant, it just wasn't the same. I don't think I loved him, and I'm quite sure he didn't love me, not in that way anyway."

"Well, are you ok with the way it turned out, I mean how do you feel about it?" The Doctor was worried that she had been too hurt by the whole thing.

"I don't feel any regrets that it didn't work out between us. I just don't know what I feel or what I want. Commander Chakotay has only belonged to one person since I've known him. I was a fool to think he could have cared for me, and I've hurt the one person I care most about in the process." She didn't need to voice the name, the Doctor already know who it was. He just hoped that Seven and the Captain could rebuild their relationship, and he would do what he could to make that happen.

"Seven, why don't you come back to earth with me and talk to Kathryn, you will never get anything resolved by hiding out here on Vulcan."

"I'm not hiding Doctor, I'm just not sure where I fit in, and the Vulcan way of life seems best suited for me at the moment."

"Yea if you like a step above being dead. Not too exciting, and you won't learn much about your own human emotions on a planet of Vulcan's."

"That is exactly my point Doctor." She took a big drink of water and picked at some more fruit.

"Seven, would you at least think about it? I have the Captain's private transport and I'm sure she would love to see you."

"That I doubt Doctor, and I'm not up for another of your lessons in humanity." At the sad look on his face, she added to her statement. "I will think about it, for you."

"Then I'll stay here on Vulcan until you decide. I don't want to go back without you." Seven gave him a genuine smile this time.

"Then you may be here a while Doctor."

"I'm a patient hologram Seven, plus I can withstand the heat."

"Indeed." Seven continued to smile at her friend. She was really very glad he had come, more so than she would have thought and more so than she would ever admit either.


	5. From the Heart

Chapter 5 Tammy Young Normal Kathryn Janeway 2 58 2001-11-09T22:03:00Z 2001-11-09T22:03:00Z 9 2764 15755 Arcane Technologies 131 31 19348 9.2720 

;)

Chapter   5

The buzzing in her ears was making its way into her subconscious mind.  Louder and louder until Kathryn Janeway realized it wasn't in her head but someone at the door.  From her groggy, sleep filled state it was hard to tell.  She rolled off the couch and staggered to answer the incessant buzzing.  "Hold on, I'm coming."  Her voice was even louder in her ears than the buzzing.  She made it to the door without falling on her face and opened it only to find two-dozen pink and yellow roses staring at her.

"Captain Janeway?"  The young man at the door peered over the top of the bouquet.  "Are you Captain Janeway, Ma'am?"  A bit tongue tied she answered in a squeaky voice.

"Yes, but please, call me Kathryn."  She smiled weakly at the young man.

"Well, Kathryn, someone must love you."  He handed her the large vase of flowers with a note attached.  "Have a nice evening, Kathryn."  He smiled brightly at her and turned to leave.

"Wait!  Who sent them?"

"I don't know, Ma'am, you will have to check the card."  The young man gave her another smile.

"Well, thank you."  Kathryn called out before she closed the door.  Putting the fragrant flowers to her nose, she inhaled their intoxicating aroma.  They were the most beautiful roses she had ever seen.  Setting the vase down on the coffee table, she took the note over to the couch to read it.  She didn't have to open it to know who it was from, but her heart was pounding just the same.  Slowly she opened the note and read the words Chakotay had written.

_Dearest Kathryn,_

_I trust you are feeling a bit better and I hope the flowers will help. I'm sorry that I left you alon,e but there was something very important I needed to do.  I know we have much to talk about and I don't think I will ever be able to apologize enough for hurting you the way I did.  I would like to start by asking you if you would have dinner with me tonight.  I know you said you were never going to eat again, but I think you will like this and I know it will be good for you.  If your answer is yes, I'll be waiting for you at Starfleet Command, outside in the gardens.  Hope to see you soon, Kathryn._

_All my love, Chakotay_

The pulchritudinous smile on Kathryn's face could have been seen clear back to the Delta Quadrant.  _Just what are you up to, Chakotay?  _With that thought and others, she headed for the bathroom to get cleaned up.  She had every intention of meeting her former first officer as soon as possible.  This day was going to end much better than it had started; that was one thing she would make sure of. 

With one last look in the mirror, Kathryn Janeway was as ready as she would ever be.  She had dressed in another light sundress she had brought with her.  This one was white with tiny blue flowers along the bottom.  The dress was a soft flowing shape that came just below the knee.  She left her freshly washed hair brushing softly around her bare shoulders.  _Not bad, for an old woman, _she thought as she took one last glance and headed for the nearest transport site.

~~~~~~

When Chakotay first spotted Kathryn coming up the walk his heart skipped a beat and his dimples busted out in full force.  She looked absolutely gorgeous and even more endearing; she was carrying the large vase of roses in her arms.  His shaking legs propelled him toward her.  "Kathryn, you look beautiful.  How are you feeling?"  Her own dazzling smile was all the answer he needed.

"I'm feeling a bit better and thank you for the lovely flowers, but you didn't need to."  She stuck her nose in the big blossoms breathing in their sent again.  Chakotay started laughing.

"Sure hope you aren't allergic to roses, the way you've got your face stuffed into them it could be deadly."  Now she was laughing with him.

"I'm not and you know it.  So why did you want me to come here?  I didn't think you wanted to hang around Starfleet these days."

"I'm not going to tell you why and I'm not hanging around for Starfleet, I'm hanging around waiting for you."  The warm evening breeze blew wisps of Kathryn's hair on her cheeks and Chakotay couldn't resist brushing it away.  The slight touch made Kathryn shutter.  "I have a surprise for you and we better get going if you want to see it."

"Just being here with you is the best surprise I could ever want Chakotay.  Yesterday I wouldn't have thought it possible."  Chakotay took the flowers from her and put his other arm around her bare shoulder. 

"Oh, it's possible, Kathryn, and the big surprise is yet to come.  Let's get going, we have a shuttle to catch."

"A shuttle!  Where are we going?"  She had her arm wrapped around him as they headed for their destination.

"I'm not saying and you're not my captain anymore so I don't have to tell you.  All you have to do is trust me, I've taken care of all the rest."

"Hmm, well I do trust you, Chakotay, I just don't like surprises, that's all."

"This one you'll like, now no more questions, you'll find out soon enough."  They continued in silence to the shuttle.  It was all ready to go when they got there.  The shuttle-bay workers were in on this too, Kathryn, could see it in their expressions.  Chakotay handed one of the attendants the vase of flowers and told her to take good care of them.  He gestured for Kathryn to climb aboard and he followed her in.

"You know, Chakotay, it occurs to me."  She took the seat next to him and started on the pre-launch checks.

"What would that be, Kathryn?"  He was doing the same from his seat at the helm.

"That nothing good has ever come out of you and I in a shuttle together.  Are you sure this is such a good idea?"  She smiled wickedly at him.

"Well, if you'd rather I took that cute little crewman out there."  He pointed to the pretty young lady over by another shuttle.  "I'm sure she would trust me enough to take a little ride."  His return smile was just as wicked.

"You mean the one with her nose in my flowers, I don't think so, Commander.  I'll just risk it, if it's all the same to you."  Now Chakotay was in full laughter.

"It's your life… Captain!"  He just had to emphasize her rank like she had done to him.  "But you can trust me, I won't let you down, not again."  His smile faded slightly as he continued the pre-launch check.

"I do trust you, Chakotay, and always have, but if you call me Captain again I may just have to reconsider."

"Noted, Kathryn."

_"Shuttle-craft Ranger, you are cleared for launch."_

"Acknowledged."  Chakotay looked over at Kathryn with his biggest smile.  "Are you ready?"

"Of course I'm ready, I'm dying to know what you're up too."  Their conversation was light and anything but serious as they made their way toward the surprise.  When the destination was in sight, Kathryn's jaw dropped in shock.  "Utopia Planitia!  What… "  She stopped in mid sentence when she saw the real surprise.  "Voyager!  Chakotay, what are we doing here?"  He was laughing almost too hard to answer.

"It's your surprise, Kathryn.  A quiet dinner for just the two of us on the ship that was our home for the past seven years."  Kathryn Janeway was speechless.

_"Voyager to the shuttle Ranger, you are cleared to dock.  And may I welcome you both back to Voyager."_

"Thank you, Ranger out."  Chakotay guided the shuttle into Voyager's shuttle bay just as he'd done so many times in the past.  As he powered all systems down, he noticed the tears that had collected in Kathryn's eyes.  She had yet to say another word.  Reaching over he took her hand in his.  "Kathryn, are you ok?  I thought you would like to see your ship again."  She blinked several times to clear her vision.

"Chakotay, I'm very touched and I love it, but how on earth did you manage this?  They wouldn't let me near my ship since we got back."

"Hey, you aren't the only one who knows someone who owes you a favor.  I have my ways and they were more than happy to oblige."  He stood up pulling her with him.  "We just have to make sure we are out of here before the first work crews arrive in the morning."  

"Oh, I see, this isn't exactly Starfleet Command approved then."

"Well, I'm not exactly in Starfleet anymore so… nope."  They both started laughing as they headed for the door to the shuttle-bay.

"You don't have to worry, your secret is safe with me, at least until they decide what they are going to do with my ship."

"Well I couldn't get that answer for you, but from what I've gathered, it's going to be good news."  Her eyes lit up at, good news.

"You really think so, you think they will let her live?"  Chakotay put his arm around her as they walked down the corridors of their ship.

"I can't promise, Kathryn, but from what I've heard, the word is good.  I don't think Starfleet would have the courage to dismantle the galaxy's most famous Star Ship, especially when it belongs to the galaxy's most famous and loved captain."

"I don't know about the famous and loved captain part, but Voyager deserves a chance.  She's been through a lot in the past seven years and was home to all of us.  It just wouldn't be fair to tear her apart just because she's seen better days.  I don't know if I could stand the thought of a life without her."

"Regardless of what happens we all owe this ship a great deal, even Starfleet,and I think they know that."  Chakotay stopped and pulled Kathryn into his arms.  "There is one thing I do know for sure Kathryn, and that is that you will never have to live a life without me.  I'm not going to leave you, I'll always stand by your side, no matter what."  Chakotay leaned down and sweetly touched his lips to hers.  Just a feather-light kiss that left the promise of more to come and left Kathryn Janeway longing for that to happen.  Chakotay stepped onto the turbo-lift first and turned to see Kathryn hadn't followed.  She was just standing with a smile on her face.  "Kathryn Janeway, your lift awaits you."  Her smile melted into his heart as she entered the lift.  That smile that would live in his soul forever, the one he could never forget.  "Computer, bridge."  The lift started to move to their destination.

Stepping off the turbo-lift onto the bridge was an unsettling feeling for Kathryn.  The once so busy command center of her life; was now an eerie quiet memory.  She lovingly brushed her hand across the upper railing as she walked down to her command chair.  Everything looked just at it had the day she walked off her ship onto Alpha Quadrant soil.  Chakotay just stood back watched her silently communicate with her ship.  It was true what they said; captain and ship were bonded in a way that not many could understand.  Kathryn took her seat in her old chair with more than a single tear in her eyes.  Just being back on her ship was more overwhelming than she would have expected.  Chakotay slowly walked down and took his own seat by her side, just as he had done for over seven years.  Reaching her hand out, Chakotay took her hand in his and they just sat holding hands for several minutes.  No words were need between them to convey their thoughts and feelings.  

After a few more minutes, Chakotay stood up, pulling Kathryn to her feet as well.  "Are you ready for the real surprise?"

"Absolutely, where is it?"

"Where else!"  He pointed to the ready room.  "The one place you spent the most time over the last seven years."  He led her to the door and let her enter first.  The gasp and the hand over her mouth was just the reaction he was hoping for.

"Chakotay!  How did you… when did you?"

"I told you Kathryn, I know people too, just helps to know the right people."  He was softly laughing as she looked around the room.  The ready room was filled with vases of beautiful roses, of all colors.  There must have been two hundred or more.  There was a table set with one single red rose in the center and candles burning off to each side.  Soft music was playing in the background, and the smell of something delicious waiting on the table made Kathryn realize she was really hungry.

"Chakotay, it's just beautiful, you are so sweet."  She turned to face him.  "I'm so touched that you would do this for me.  Thank you."

"This is just the beginning, Kathryn.  I intend to spend the rest of my life doing everything I can for you."  She placed her hand on his cheek and smiled sweetly.

"You already have, Chakotay.  You have been my best friend for seven years.  You've been by my side even when I kept pushing you away.  I've been so foolish and I'm the one who owes you the same kindness you have shown me.  I didn't realize just how much I would miss you in my life until you were gone.  I know now that I can't imagine my life without you.  You are my life, Chakotay, and I love you with all my heart and have for so long."  With a light brush of her hand, she gently wiped the tear from his cheek that had escaped.  The magnetic pull between them was impossible to resist and neither would have wanted too.  Their lips met in a fiery passion that burned right through to their very souls.  Chakotay parted her lips with his own as he took in every taste of her.  Kathryn wrapped her hand around his neck, inviting him even deeper into her world.  All sense of reason had been completely lost, and only when the need for air became increasingly apparent for both of them did they break apart.  Kathryn moved her mouth down to the apple of his throat, never missing an inch of flesh with tiny, hot, kisses.  Her warm, heavy breath on his skin was enough to send him into cardiac arrest.  Chakotay felt his knees begin to weaken and subconsciously wondered if he could withstand his own weight, when he felt her loosen her grip just a bit.  In a deep, husky voice, she spoke just above a whisper.

"Chakotay…"

"Yes?"

"I'm hungry."  Kathryn Janeway pulled herself from her former first officer, smoothed her dress and walked over to the table, leaving a still stunned Chakotay standing in complete confusion.  She smiled devilishly at him as she pulled her chair out and sat down.  "Are you coming?"  Her words were innocent enough, but in Chakotay's current state of mind, they were anything but.  At his tongue-tied expression, Kathryn started laughing a bit embarrassed at her own choice of words.  "I guess that didn't sound quite right, sorry."  She continued to laugh anyway.  Chakotay slowly made his way to the table, making sure his legs would hold him up.

"The answer is yes, either way."  He managed the answer as he took his seat across from her.  He reached for his water and quickly took several large gulps before he could say anything more.  "I'm glad you are feeling hungry, that's a good sign that you have made it over the worst of LC poisoning."  He smiled deeply at her.

"Thank God for that, maybe I'll even let Mr. Paris live after all."  She started to dish up their plates with the wonderful smelling pasta casserole, green salad and warm bread.

"I'm sure B'Elanna and Miral will be glad to know what a saint you are, for not killing husband and father."

"Gee thanks, you are so kind."

"You're very welcome, and for tonight, we will be drinking only water, don't want any sort of repeat performance from earlier."

"You won't get any argument form me."  She held up her glass of water.  "To good old sparkling clean water, the best drink in the galaxy, well except for coffee that is."  Chakotay tapped his glass to hers in a toast and they both started laughing again.  The intense passionate mood had lightened a lot.

"You don't get any coffee tonight either, Kathryn, you will just have to live one more day without it.  Do you think you can manage?"

"I think so, I will just have to find some different after dinner entertainment, or dessert."  The wicked smile was back as she started in on the salad.  Chakotay matched her smile with one of his own, the dimpled version.

"I take it back, Kathryn Janeway, you are not a saint, you are evil."

"I can be both, Chakotay."  The laughter and light conversation continued all through dinner.  The most relaxed and comfortable Kathryn had felt in a very long time.  It was so nice to be able to talk so openly with her best friend and the man she was so much in love with.

"Kathryn, would you dance with me?"  Chakotay got up from the table and took her by the hand pulling her to her feet.

"I'd love to.  I've always wanted to dance in my ready room, just never seemed to be very appropriate when I was the captain."  Chakotay laughed softly as he took her in his arms.

"Maybe not, but it's nice to know you even had thought about dancing in the ready room."

"You would be surprised at just what I'd thought about doing in this room."  She buried her face in his chest and wrapping her arms around his waist, sliding her hands a bit lower than waist level.  Chakotay pulled her as tightly to him as possible and lost himself in her lightly, peach scented hair and the feel of her body pressed so tightly against his.  He knew exactly what she had thought about doing in the ready room because he had dreamed about it on more than a few occasions.  They continued to sway slowly back and forth to the soft music, just holding each other and enjoying some very passionate and loving kisses.  Chakotay's hands had managed to wander over parts of Kathryn's body that he had only dreamed about doing for years.  She was not in the least bit intimidated by his caressing and even enjoyed a bit of her own wanderings.  It was the perfect moment, the perfect time and the perfect place, so they thought.

The time is now 0300 hours 

"What the hell?"  Kathryn had pulled her lips away from Chakotay's earlobe, a bit surprised to hear the computer's voice announce the time.  Chakotay was laughing at her shocked expression.

"Sorry, Kathryn, I had them program the computer to tell us when it was getting late.  We have to get out of here before the work crews show up.  I don't want anyone who can't be trusted to catch you here or they just might find that excuse to boot you out of Starfleet."

"How thoughtful of you, but right now I don't give a damn if they boot me out, I'd rather spend the rest of my life right here in your arms."  Chakotay leaned down and kissed her again.

"I'd like nothing better myself, but we do have to leave, Kathryn.  I promised the powers that be we would be out of here so they won't get into trouble either."

"Fine, we wouldn't want that, I guess I'll never get to live my dream of… "  She was stopped by Chakotay's mouth over hers again, a very welcome interruption. 

"I promise to make all your dreams come true, Kathryn, just not right here at this moment."

"I'll hold you to it, Sir.  Now lets go before I change my mind and put a security lock on this door."  She released her hold on him and smiled sweetly as she headed for the door.

"You are amazing, Kathryn Janeway."  He followed her to the door and stepped through as it opened.

"Wait, I forgot something."  Kathryn ran back in and grabbed the single red rose from the table.  Chakotay was so touched by her sentimentality, all he could do was smile at her as she took his hand and they headed for the shuttle.


	6. Welcome Home

"Call Me Kathryn"

Chapter 6

"Welcome Home"

"Kathryn, you've got a message coming in from Admiral Paris."  Gretchen Janeway called up the stairs to her daughter.  When no response was received, she headed up to fetch her.  "Kathryn, didn't you hear me calling you?  Admiral Paris is waiting on the com-link, apparently, it's important."

"What did you say Mom, I didn't hear you?"  Kathryn, walked out of the bathroom wearing a bathrobe, her hair wrapped in a towel and her favorite fluffy, pink, warn out slippers.  Gretchen Janeway started to laugh at her ever-amazing daughter.  "What's so funny?"  Kathryn couldn't help the smile that broke out on her ivory face.

"You are, I can't believe you still have those slippers after all these years."  Kathryn looked down at her feet pretending not to know what her crazy mother was talking about.  "I can't imagine the Captain of Voyager walking around her ship with such silly pink fluff-balls on her feet."  Mom was still laughing.

"What's wrong with my slippers?  They've been with me for longer than most everything and everyone else."

"That's my point dear, they've been with all of us for much too long."

"Well I like them and I'm not about to get rid of them just because they are a bit old and tattered.  Some things just get better with age."  She pranced around her mother with the fluff on her feet.  Gretchen sat down on the bed trying to control her laughter.  "Besides Mom, I didn't walk around Voyager with my slippers on, well maybe in my quarters, but no one ever knew I had them."

"Thank God for that, they may have just left you in the Delta Quadrant if they had known."

"Very funny Mom."  Kathryn leaned down and kissed her mom on the forehead.  "So, is this why you invited me to stay with you this weekend, to entertain you, and what were you hollering about?"  Gretchen Janeway jumped to her feet.

"Admiral Paris!  He's waiting for you on the com-link, he said it was important."  Kathryn's face darkened.

"It's always important with the Admirals in Starfleet."  Kathryn walked back into the bathroom pulling the towel off her head and brushing out her damp hair.  "Mom, could you tell him I'll be there in a minute."

"Of course Sweetheart, but you shouldn't always expect bad news.  I'm sure they just want to welcome their newest Admiral to the ranks."

"Maybe that would be bad news to me Mom."  Kathryn closed the bathroom door as her mother went to deliver her daughter's message.

~~~~~~

"I'm sorry I kept you waiting Admiral."  Kathryn had taken a seat in front of the viewscreen in her father's old study.  Admiral Paris smiled despite himself at the sight of his favorite protégé.  Her hair was still damp and slightly tangled.  She had on a yellow tea-shirt, a pair of very warn knit shorts, and no makeup at all.  Not the picture of a Starship Captain, but still beautiful.

"It's quite all right.  This isn't the first time I've been kept waiting to deliver a message.  How have you been doing Kathryn?"  Admiral Paris had one of those looks that said it was going to be bad news.

"I'm just fine Owen, now can we just get to the point of this little chat."  Kathryn Janeway had no intention of pussyfooting around waiting for the bomb to drop.  "Just give me the bad mews, I can take it."

"You were never one for small talk were you."  He leaned in closer to the screen.  "You are to report to Starfleet command tomorrow at 14.00 hours."  When he didn't elaborate any further, Kathryn tilted her head and smiled slightly.

"For my formal decommission, or Voyager's?"  The cynical little smile was still firmly in place.

"Captain Janeway, you know I can't tell you why.  I'm just the elected one to deliver the message."

"It's not Captain, please Owen call me Kathryn."

"Fine Kathryn, just because you've been called to headquarters doesn't mean it's bad news.  There's been a lot of people pulling for you and your ship.  Give some of us old stuffed shirts a chance."

"I'm sorry Owen, I didn't mean to snap at you.  It's just been one hell of a few months, and at this point it's hard to know how to react to Starfleet.  Coming home was anything but what I had expected, it's been hard on my entire crew, me included."  She looked away from his piercing eyes.

"I understand that Kathryn, and I'm sorry about the way you and your crew have been treated.  I don't have as much clout as I would have liked, I'm just the messenger."  He paused until she met his eyes again.  "You will be there, right?"

"I'll be there, it's not like I have a choice anyway."  Admiral Paris smiled, but inside he was bursting to tell her the reason for her summons to Starfleet.  He couldn't of course, but the look on her face made him feel slightly guilty about it.

"I'll see you then Kathryn, and have a nice day."  He cut the com-link before she could say another word.

_I'm sure I will Owen, thanks a hell of a lot.  _With a sigh, she plopped down into the big overstuffed chair that was her father's favorite.  It always made her feel a bit closer to him, like a big hug from her dad, and right now she needed just that.  Snuggling deep into the hug, she closed her eyes as her thoughts turned to Chakotay.  She hadn't seen him for over a week because he'd been back in Arizona finishing up the anthropology class he'd been overseeing.  A smile crossed her face as she thought about their dinner on Voyager.  He had been so sweet and that had touched her deeply.  At least she'd had the chance to say goodbye to her ship before they pulled her apart one tritainium plating after another.  There might be a chance that Starfleet wouldn't do that, but she didn't hold out much hope for either her ship or herself.  She continued to smile.  _It's strange, all that doesn't really matter anymore.  I've never been happier in my life than I am now.  I may be a lost Captain without a ship, but I have Chakotay.  Maybe I should call him and let him know about the meeting.  _As quickly, as the thought entered her mind, she dismissed it.  What good would it do to worry him, and besides she would go to Arizona as soon as Starfleet dumped her, he'd know soon enough. 

"Kathryn, breakfast is ready."  Gretchen Janeway poked her head into the study and smiled at the sight of her daughter snuggled into her father's chair.  Kathryn smiled back at her mom.

"Thanks Mom, I'm starving."  Kathryn walked over to her and put her arms around her neck giving her a big hug.

"Honey, is something wrong, what did Owen want?"  They walked arm in arm toward the kitchen.

"Everything's fine, he just wanted to tell me about a meeting tomorrow at Starfleet headquarters, my presence is… required."

"I don't like the sound of that Kathryn."  Gretchen's expression matched her statement but inside she was smiling like the cat that caught the canary.

"Don't worry Mom.  No matter what happens it's really ok.  I have a lot to be thankful for and I have a life ahead of me with the man I love.  How could I possibly be unhappy about that?"  Gretchen let her smile return.

"Kathryn, you and Chakotay are a match made in heaven, well maybe made in the Delta Quadrant, but a perfect match just the same.  I absolutely adore him and I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks Mom.  It was a bumpy road to that perfect match, but I wouldn't trade a second of it.  We've been through so much together and have been each other's support for so long that I couldn't imagine how I would have gone on without him.  I love him so much and nothing will ever come between us again, nothing."  Gretchen Janeway stopped and looked her daughter in the eye.

"Welcome home Kathryn."

"Mom, what are you talking about?  I've been home for over three months now."

"No Kathryn, you've been back from the Delta Quadrant for over three months, but you haven't truly been home until now.  Remember, home is where the heart is, and your heart is with Chakotay."  Kathryn started laughing.

"Mom, you're a hopeless romantic."  They were both laughing as they entered the kitchen.

"Just a little something I learned from your father my dear."

~~~~~~

"Come on Seven, this request is for all of Voyager's crew and that includes you."

"I don't think that I'll be missed Doctor and I'm not very good at the socializing stuff.  You just go back to earth with Commander Tuvok, I'll be fine here without you."

"I told you two weeks ago that I won't leave here without you and I meant that.  You can't hide on Vulcan forever and I think now is as good a time as any to go back home and work things out with your friends, and they are your friends Seven."

"The Doctor is correct Seven, you do have friends from Voyager and you'll have to accept that sooner or later."  Tuvok had walked into the room bringing tea with him for all of them.

"Have I overstayed my welcome here Commander Tuvok?"  Seven didn't look too happy about that thought.

"Not at all Seven, you're welcome here as long as you like.  However, you do need to understand that you have a life back on earth, a life you just need to accept."  The Doctor just sat back in his seat with a dumb grin on his face.  As hard as he had tried to convince Seven, it seemed that Tuvok could do it with just a few words.  Seeing Seven's smile was a good indication she was at least considering the trip back home.  She sat back and sipped at her tea.

"You two are conspiring against me."

"No Seven, we're your friends and we care about you."  The Doctor gave her his biggest smile hoping it would be enough, along with a bit more pushing.  "Seven, Admiral Paris requested that all of us be there and I think we owe it to Kathryn, I mean the Captain to be there for her."  Seven looked down at something seemingly more important on her lap.  The Doctor wanted to comfort her, but just didn't quite know how.

"I owe Captain Janeway everything, I just don't know how to apologize for hurting her."  Seven spoke the words without even looking up at them.

"Seven, the only one you've been hurting here is yourself.  All you need to do is show up at this surprise for the Captain, that's all the apology she will want.  You've got to talk to her and work this out or you'll never be able to get past it and start your own life."  It sounded so logical, but it didn't feel that way to Seven.  She met Tuvok's dark eyes feeling for the first time what it might be like to have had a father giving her advice.  

_Maybe Tuvok is right… maybe they're both right.  _Squaring her shoulder and forcing eye contact with them, she had made up her mind.

"I'll go with you."  That was all the Doctor needed.  He jumped up and threw his arms around her squeezing the air out of her.  "Doctor, I can't breathe, let go."  Seven squeaked out the words.

"Sorry, I just got a bit excited."  The Doctor let go of her and stepped back.

"A bit excited?  I am happy you are not ecstatic about it or I would have been pulverized."  She smiled at the Doctor.

"Well if you two will excuse me, it's getting late and we'll be leaving early in the morning."  Tuvok put his tea down and got up to leave.  "Good night."

"Good night Commander, and thank you for everything."  Seven had come to admire Tuvok even more since she had been on Vulcan.  He'd done a lot to make her feel like part of his family and her feelings of gratitude were genuine when it came to her Vulcan friend.  Tuvok just nodded his head as he made his way up the stairs.  Seven turned to the Doctor.

"I better get some sleep too.  It's been hard not regenerating anymore, it seems I require more sleep than most."

"It will get better in time Seven, you're just adjusting to your human needs and that includes sleep."  Seven kissed the Doctor on the cheek and walked to her guest room for one last night on Vulcan.  The Doctor just stood in the spacious sitting room with a smile on his face and a good feeling building in his holo-heart.

~~~~~~

"Tom, where's Chakotay, he's late?"  B'Elanna was running around like a chicken with its head cut off.  Tom just sat bouncing Miral on his lap and laughing at his wife.

"He's not late B'Elanna, you're just too excited, we've got plenty of time."  She poked her head back into the room.

"We'd have more time if you'd quit playing with our daughter and help me."

"I am helping you, I'm keeping my sweet baby girl happy while my sweet big girl is running around entertaining us both."  B'Elanna walked over to her husband and kissed his head then took Miral from him hugging her tightly and kissing her head as well.

"Sweetheart, don't listen to daddy, he's an idiot."  B'Elanna whispered in her daughter's ear.

"I heard that."  Tom stood up wrapping his arms around both of his girls.  "I'm not and idiot, just in love with the two most beautiful women in the world."  Before B'Elanna could respond the doorbell rang, she tossed Miral back to her father.

"Shit!  Now I'm really late.  Keep Chakotay entertained while I finish getting ready."  B'Elanna ran back into the bedroom while Tom and Miral answered the door with smiles on their faces.

"Come on in."  Tom held the door open for Chakotay.  "Have a seat B'Elanna isn't quite ready and we have plenty of time anyway."  Chakotay reached over and took Miral from her father as he passed by.

"Hello little pumpkin."  He rocked her in his arms and kissed her baby-soft cheek.  "You are as beautiful as your mother."  He held her close to whisper in her tinny ear.  _"Thank the spirits you don't look like your dad."_

"Not funny Commander."  Tom walked past.  "Don't listen to uncle Chakotay Sweetheart, he doesn't know anything."  Chakotay sat down still laughing and Tom walked over to the replicator.  "Can I get you something to drink?"

"NO!  I've seen first and second hand what your drinks can do to a person.  You may want to watch your back tonight."  Chakotay along with Tom started laughing again.

"She can't possibly still be mad at me."  Tom turned around at the sound of his wife laughing along with them.

"Tom, she's Irish.  An Irish temper can only be matched by mine and I'd want to kill you if you tried to poison me with liquid hell."  B'Elanna walked over to the couch and kissed both Chakotay and Miral on the cheek.  "Maybe I will help her, just for fun."

"Not funny B'Elanna, I didn't even do anything, she's the one who accepted the challenge, I was just there for a bit of… support."  B'Elanna was still laughing and Chakotay was whispering something in Miral's ear.

"Support or the instigator?"  B'Elanna winked at her husband.

"Well maybe both, but I didn't force her to drink it."  Tom walked over and took his daughter from Chakotay.  "Just what have you been telling Miral anyway?  She's not going to believe a word you say about me cause she loves her daddy too much."  Tom started to dance around the room with his daughter making her giggle with delight.

"She may love you Tom, but she's well aware now of the possible danger if she drinks anything you fix, bottles included."  Chakotay and B'Elanna were having too much fun at Tom's expense.  He just huffed and continued to dance with his baby girl.

"So Chakotay, do you think she knows anything?"

"I don't think so, she didn't say anything to me about her exchange with your father in-law. I think she is just hoping they don't kick her out of Starfleet all together.  She's going to be more than surprised when she sees us all there."

"Tom, did your dad say anything to you?"  Tom came over and sat Miral in B'Elanna's arms.

"Nope, only that I'd better keep my mouth shut, which I wouldn't have dared open anyway.  I'm not the Captain's most favorite person right now."  Even Tom was laughing at his own remark this time.

"We'll just make sure it's only champagne tonight, I think she'll forgive you then."  Chakotay stood up and headed for the door.  "We'd better get going before Kathryn gets there first.  Are you three ready?"

"We're ready, let me just grab a bag for the baby."  B'Elanna went into the other room.  "Hey, is everyone going to be there?"  

"I don't know.  I know that Harry, Sam, Naomi and a lot of others will, but I don't know who."  Chakotay answered as B'Elanna came back into the room with a large bag over one shoulder and the baby over the other.

"So you haven't heard from Seven?"  Chakotay's smile had faded all together.

"No, I don't know if she'll be there.  I haven't seen her for weeks.  I pretty much made a mess out of that one."  He walked to the door and took the bag from B'Elanna.

"I'll say, you big jerk."  B'Elanna slugged him on the arm.  "What the hell were you thinking anyway… no wait, I don't even want to know.  I'm just glad you got off your butt so you could find your brain before it was too late.  You and Kathryn have always belonged together, it just took you long enough to figure it out."

"Why didn't you just tell me that seven years ago?"  Chakotay was smiling again as he rubbed his arm where B'Elanna had punched him.  She just smiled right back.

"You didn't ask."  All three were laughing as they headed out the door.

~~~~~~

"I'm here to see Admiral Paris."  Kathryn walked up to the receptionist at the desk.  A stern looking woman who didn't seem the least bit interested in who she was or who she was there to see greeted her.  Looking up over the rim of her glasses, the woman finally spoke.

"He's in a meeting Captain, just have a seat and I'll inform you when you're needed."  She went right back to what she had been doing before, not giving Kathryn a second glance.

"Please, call me Kathryn."  The woman looked up again, this time with a hint of compassion in her humorless expression.

"Kathryn, have a seat."  She went right back to work.

_Not the most conversational person I've ever met._  She took a seat over by the window looking out on the grounds of Starfleet headquarters.  The day had turned out to be quite warm and the air was filled with the fragrant flowers in the gardens.  It was one of the things she was going to miss when they gave her the boot in just a few minutes.  The different kinds of flowers and trees were as vast as the many different species that came through Starfleet headquarters each day.  She was so lost in thought that she didn't hear the summons from the sourpuss receptionist until the woman stood right in front of her, with her hands on her hips and her droopy-jowls hanging even lower.

"CAPTAIN!  You can go in now."  Kathryn Janeway tried her best not to laugh but it was useless, she just couldn't help it.

_So much for Kathryn,_ she thought as she slinked by the woman and into the Admiral's office, still laughing, until she saw the looks on their faces.

"Have a seat Captain."  Admiral Paris was the one to offer.  The look on his face was even more sourpuss looking than his not so friendly receptionist.

_Definitely so much for Kathryn, _she took the offered seat without blinking an eye.

"How are you doing today Captain?"  Admiral Hayes asked.  Not one of Janeway's favorite stuffed shirts.

"I'm fine Sir.  Can we just get on with it?"  Their smug, know it all expressions were starting to get to her.

"As you wish."  Admiral Hayes was seemingly going to be the spokes person for this little charade of Starfleet power.  "After reviewing all of the records from Voyager and all of the situations you dealt with, we have decided not to advance you to Admiral.  Kathryn Janeway didn't know whether to laugh or cry at that news.  She really didn't want to be an Admiral, well not yet anyway.  "Do you have anything to say?"

"No, you've obviously made your decision, nothing more to say."  She tilted her head sideways and smiled at them all.  She wasn't about to let any of them see that this bothered her, just a bit.  She started to stand up to leave.  "If that's all gentlemen, I've got other planes for tonight."

"No that's not all Captain.  Sit your butt back down until I dismiss you."  Admiral Hayes was still keeping up the tough guy act, but Owen Paris was about to crack.  Kathryn Janeway sat back down in her seat.  "Now, even if you don't want to know why you're not going to be advanced to Admiral, I'm still going to tell you."

_This ought to be good.  _That thought was kept silent.  She sat back and folded her arms.

"Your method of doing things is somewhat unorthodox.  You're pigheaded, belligerent, contentious, and down right impossible to deal with at times.  These are not the qualities that Starfleet needs in its Admirals.  We have to be a unified group.  We can't be questioned at every turn.  You do not have the discipline to take orders from us or to sit behind a desk all day."

_No shit.  _She almost let that statement slip when she noticed Owen Paris's droll expression.  The poor guy was turning beat-red from holding back the laughter.  _Just what's so damn funny here?_

"Captain Janeway, are you even listening to me?"  Admiral Hayes bellowed out.

"Yes Sir, I've heard every word.  You think I'm unorthodox, pigheaded, belligerent, contentious, and impossible.  Did I miss anything?"  Kathryn Janeway was staring him right in the eye, not about to be intimidated by the likes of him.

"Just one thing.  You are also the best damn Captain in the Federation and that's right where we need you.  When we get your ship refitted and up to the highest standards, would you continue as the Captain of Voyager?"  Kathryn's jaw drooped to the floor, Admiral Paris busted out laughing and Admiral Hayes just sat back with a silly smile on his face.  They had achieved their goal, surprising Kathryn Janeway.

"I… I don't know what to say."  Kathryn could hardly get the words out.

"How about, yes?"  Owen spoke up.  "We really need you Kathryn.  While you've been out playing in the Delta Quadrant, the Federation has suffered many loses.  We need the best of the best to help us get back what we've lost and you are the best Kathryn."  He smiled sincerely at her.

"Just for the record, the Delta Quadrant is no play ground."  She stood up and walked around standing right in front of the group of Starfleet brass.  "Yes, I would be honored to captain Voyager."  Her smile reached from ear to ear as Admiral Paris jumped up and grabbed her into a crushing bear hug.  The entire room exploded into thank you and congratulations.  Even old sourpuss receptionist came in and hugged the new, and continued Captain Janeway. 

"I hate to break this up, but Captain Janeway has a shuttle to catch."  Admiral Hayes spoke above the loud commotion.

"I do?  Where am I going?"  Kathryn looked over at Owen Paris for the answer.

"Sorry Kathryn, that's classified.  You will know when you get there.  Come on, I'll walk you to the shuttle-bay."  A few more handshakes later, and Captain Kathryn Janeway was headed toward her next surprise, the best one yet.

~~~~~~

"Voyager!  Owen, what is going on?"  For the second time in the past two weeks, Kathryn had been surprised at the sight of her ship, and it was her ship once again.  Admiral Paris just continued on with the docking sequence without answering her question.  She thought about insisting that he spill the beans, but changed her mind when she saw the determined smile molded on his face.  He wouldn't say a word she realized because it was the same look she had seen on Tom's face many times before.  _Like father like son, _she thought as she just smiled in return.  The shuttle glided smoothly into the shuttle-bay.

"Well Captain, you're home, at least for a few hours that is.  This old girl still has some work to be done before she's space worthy again."  Kathryn was beaming inside and out as she exited the shuttle setting her feet down on the deck plating of her ship.  Everything was just as it had been last time she had been here with Chakotay, and she almost commented on that until she remembered that no one was supposed to know.  

"So, are you going to tell me why we're here?"

"No, but I'll show you."  Admiral Paris took her arm and led her out of the shuttle-bay.  Kathryn willingly followed his lead without a single word, she would find out soon enough.

The corridors of the ship were quiet and deserted, almost an eerie feeling.  There was no one working anywhere, not a single person in sight.  Quietly they made their way to the mess hall, which was a rather strange place to stop.  "Ok Owen, I'll bite.  Is this a test to see if I'm still cut out to be captain?  I've heard of some pretty weird stuff going on with Starfleet command."  She still had the big grin on her face.

"Oh really?  I just thought I'd grab something to eat.  Didn't know that was weird."  His laughter was his way of alerting the surprises of their presence.  The door swished open and Kathryn Janeway almost dropped to her knees at the sight that met her.  Admiral Paris held her up by her arms so she didn't collapse.  Her crew, her friends, her family, all in their dress uniforms, standing at attention.  Chakotay was standing right at the front of the crowd with the biggest dimple enhanced smile she had ever seen.

"Welcome home Captain."  The three words rang in her ears from everyone in the room.  Through the sheet of tears in her eyes, she saw Chakotay walk toward her.  She was instantly wrapped in his arms as the cheering and applause erupted with volcanic force.  

"I can't believe it."  That was all Captain Janeway could manage to say before the tears started again.  She was bombarded with hugs and congratulations from as many as could get close enough to do so.  

Tom Paris, with daughter in arms was the next to hug his Captain.  He stopped advancing at the look in her eyes.  For his own protection, he held Miral out in front of him… for good luck.  It worked; Captain Janeway took the peace offering from him and held her closely, kissing her downy-soft hair.  "Hello little one, I'm so happy to see you."  She cooed into the baby's ear.  "Thank you for bringing your daddy so I can give him what he deserves."  Kathryn smiled wickedly over the top of Miral's head.

"Oh come on Kathryn, you can't still be mad at me."  Tom's pouting expression almost broke her resolve to keep teasing him, almost.

"It's Captain to you Mr. Paris."  Before poor Tom could respond, B'Elanna slid her way in and hugged both Kathryn and Miral.

"I'm so happy for you Captain, I'm happy for all of us."  B'Elanna was ecstatic with the prospect of remaining chief engineer of Voyager.

"Thank you B'Elanna, and please call me Kathryn, you and Miral that is."  She locked her scolding eyes on Tom.

"That's not fair, I said I was sorry and besides it wasn't my fault."  Kathryn was about to bust out laughing but she had one more jibe to throw his way.

"Well Mr. Paris, you don't expect me to blame myself do you?  It's your job as a Starfleet officer to protect the Captain from any harm, and that includes poisoning from Liquid Cocaine."  B'Elanna, along with everyone else around them couldn't take it any more they started laughing until even Janeway had to break.  She handed Miral back to B'Elanna and wrapped her arms around Tom, whispering in his ear.  _"Thank you, it was the best thing that has ever happened to me."_  She stepped back and looked in his surprised face.  "But you still have to call me Captain."  She winked and moved on to the next well-wisher.

Kathryn Janeway had circulated around the room talking with as many of her old crew as she could.  The conversations ranged from what they had all been through in the past to what they would all go through in the future.  The one constant agreement was that they all wanted to serve aboard Voyager, with Captain Janeway once again.  The champagne, food and laughter continued on for everyone, except for one special person standing at the back of the room.  Kathryn had seen her through the crowd several times, but until now couldn't get away to go talk to her.  Seven was one of the only ones not in a Starfleet uniform, which included Janeway herself.  

Finally, she made her way over to Seven and held out her hand.  "Thank you for coming Seven, it wouldn't be the same without you."  Seven hesitantly took her hand and swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat.

"Captain Janeway, I'm sorry."  The tears sprung forth from her periwinkle-blue eyes.  Janeway let go of Seven's hand and wrapped her arms around her neck as a few tears escaped her own eyes.

"No Seven, I'm the one who's sorry.  I should have talked to you, I should have told you how I felt about Chakotay."  Janeway stepped back wiping at her eyes.

"Captain, it's not your fault, it's all my doing.  I was so mixed up about my emotions that I didn't even stop to think about what I was doing to you, or to Commander Chakotay.  I never wanted to hurt either one of you.  I didn't even know what I wanted."

"Seven, it's really ok, everything has worked out and I do know you never meant to hurt me.  I want us to be friends again, good friends."  A slight smile broke out on Seven's face.

"You would still consider me a friend after what I did?"

"Of course I do.  Seven, you are my friend, and in some ways, you're like a daughter to me.  I don't ever want to lose that.  Besides, you didn't do anything but try to form a relationship the only way you knew how, with the only person you thought at the time could help you."

"Commander Chakotay is a kind man and I did think I could love him, but I don't."  Kathryn started laughing making Seven feel even more uncomfortable. 

"Well I do love him Seven, and I'm damn glad you don't because he is mine."  

"He was always yours Captain."  This time the smile on Seven's face was genuine.

"I know that now Seven, and please, call me Kathryn.  We're friends, and tonight that's all I want, to have my dear friends with me."  This time it was Seven who initiated the hug.

_"Thank you Kathryn."_  Seven whispered just as Chakotay walked up to them.

"Hey, I thought I heard someone say that they loved me.  Which one of you would that be?"

"That would be Kathryn."  Seven answered for them.  

"Then I'm in luck, because it's Kathryn whom I love."  He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her deeply then he let go and wrapped his arms around Seven, giving her a friendly hug.  "And you Seven, are one of my dearest friends.  I'm a lucky man indeed."

"Yes you are, and don't you forget it."  Janeway stepped between them putting an arm around each of them as they headed toward the front of the room.  A few minutes later Chakotay was clinging his champagne glass trying to get all of their attention.

"Could I get everyone's attention please.  I'd like to say a few words in honor of our courageous and very beautiful Captain."  He was holding onto her hand so she couldn't escape the praise that was forthcoming.  The room suddenly became quiet, except for a loud squeal from little Miral, which caused a few chuckles and a big smile on Kathryn's face.  "Now that Miral and I have your attention, I'll continue.  I know I can speak for all of us when I say that we couldn't be happier to have Voyager back and to serve under the best Captain in the galaxy.  We are standing here today only because of the sacrifices that Kathryn has made for us.  We owe her our lives more times than I care to count.  It will be an honor to continue to serve with her on Voyager… well if they will let me back into Starfleet that is."  He was rewarded with an uproar of laughter.

"I'm sure that can be arranged Commander."  Admiral Paris called out from the crowd.

"Thank you Admiral, and thank you Kathryn, for giving all of us a future.  You haven't changed our future, you have only given us one."  Kathryn reached up and wiped at the tears streaming down her face as Chakotay wrapped his arm around her shoulder.  "I have one more thing to say and I want all of you to know this."

"We already know Chakotay."  Tom yelled out from the middle of the crowd.

"Mr. Paris, put a sock in it.  I want to hear this."  Kathryn smiled up at Chakotay.

"Sorry Kathryn… I mean Captain."  Tom Paris received another round of laughter as he continued in his rightful place as the biggest tease on Voyager.

"Kathryn Janeway, I love you and always will."  He sealed the statement with a very passionate kiss right in front of all them.  The cheers and whistles were louder than a raging thunder storm.

_"I love you too Chakotay."  _She whispered loudly in his ear as their kiss ended.

"Speech!  Captain speech!"  Someone yelled loudly through the commotion.  Janeway had a big smile on her face.

"Harry, are you still bucking for that promotion?"  Kathryn had put her hands on her hips in the all too familiar, 'I'm the Captain' look.

"Um… yes Ma'am, I mean Captain."  The room was still in the throws of laughter.

"Then I would suggest Mr. Kim that you call me Kathryn, at least for tonight."

"Aye Kathryn."  Harry was beaming.

"Spoken like a true smart-ass."  Tom whispered to his good buddy.

"I've learned from the best, now hush so we can hear."  They turned their attention back to the guest of honor.

"Thank you all for coming and for giving me the best surprise of my life.  I don't usually like surprises, but this one was perfect.  You have all made my life better for knowing you and for sharing your kindness with me.  The last seven years have been the best of my life and I look forward to many more of them.  We are all friends and family, and Voyager is a part of our home.  Welcome home to all of you."  The applause and cheers were even louder than before.  They were all cheering for their Captain and friend.  "Wait!  I have one final request."  She had to yell to get their attention.  "Please, call me Kathryn."

"To Kathryn!"  Everyone said in unison as the champagne glasses were raised in a salute to Captain Kathryn Janeway.


End file.
